Toasts and Shaving Cream - If you're the best man, why are you going stag
by Laurel
[Editor's Note: As the best man, this speech was given by Laurel for Guinevere at his wedding reception. This is probably the only completely accurate writing on this site - sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.]
He was born in the spring of '73,
And now he sits there in front of me.
For now it is his wedding day,
But it wasn't always quite that way...
We met in college years ago.
A place that I remember so.
I needed a place, he took me in.
From there the silliness would begin.
From trick or treating as a crayon box,
and walking sideways down all the sidewalks.
To the tree we bought that looked so nice.
The one he killed, not once but twice.
From the snowman built with a tree right through him,
Which people found quite funny... or else quite gruesome.
To the newspaper articles we wrote each week
That made people think and laugh or shriek.
Then he met her. Fall was the season.
She was funny and cute, and Italian even.
She was the one, there was no doubt,
So three years later, he asked her out
Her cooking ability just couldn't be beat.
She even convinced him to resume eating meat.
Facts about presidents and history she knew,
Which helped him a lot in those trivia games too.
One day on a walk, a picnic they found,
In front of a tower, overlooking the town.
It was there he proposed, a great point in his life.
She must have said yes, because now she's his wife.
That is the story, at least up 'till now,
And a new chapter begins from today's wedding vow.
So now that I've done the intro, the poem, and the roast,
I'll put down this paper and you'll join me in the toast.
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