Spandex and Harsh Abrasives - We don't do Windows

Don't worry folks. There's plenty of time before the end of the school year. Really. Let's not think about it right now, shall we?

Somewhere between ignorance, apathy, and panic lies Philler: Your well-worn, little, leather driving glove.

To the mailbox! [clink!]

I would like to thank you, Laurel and Guinevere, for bestowing that wonderfully long title upon me. I hope that I can continue to be worthy of it.

On a lighter, less groveling note, what the hell was that little dittie by "Winston Smith" in the first D-term Newspeak? I had to really read into it to discover that the author was trying to make a political statement or two-thousand, but he failed miserably (NOTE- he applies to both males and females in this context). Why does Newspeak keep printing anonymously submitted ... well... garbage?

Yours 'till I graduate,

Amy L. Plack

O. S. V. P. T. T. P. P. C. P. 4. 2. S. C. O. C. A. O. C. I. A. M. Y. T. P. I. C. O. I. T. P. E. V. O. W. A. A. O. W. P. I. P.

(yeah, all that...)

You're very welcome for the E.L.W.A., Amy. You rightfully deserve it for your dedication to the PPC and changing the natural laws of SOCCOM just for us. [sigh] Our heroine... As for the plethora of anonymous articles, we take no responsibility for our neighbors on the page. We don't read Newspeak, so we really don't know about Mr. Smith's article... However, we think this use of pseudonyms is appalling, outrageous, and otherwise unsavory. Anyone who does not take their own views seriously enough to use their real name(s) does not deserve to have their opinions voiced in any publication in this great country of ours. Such behaviour makes a mockery of the first amendment, and... What? Huh? Oh, wow, you're right. We do do that... Oops. Um...

Gee, Amy, I really don't see anything wrong with anonymity... Um... Next letter!

Two weeks ago, Guinevere mentioned the cute mice running 'round the T tracks. One of our faithful readers didn't like that adjective...

Mousy-rodent-things might be cute when they are running across T tracks, but they definitely are not when they leap out of your refridgerator, and for the life of you (and your roommate, who's Girl Scout Cookies got gnawed up) you can't figure out how it got in there, and it's somewhere hiding in your kitchen as you type.

[You can have your long acronyms, I'll hang on to the long sentences.]

--xine

Hope you find the refrigerated-food-product stealing rodent before it gnaws through the phone line, preventing you from writing to us in the future. Tell your roommate that the potato salad ate the Girl Scout Cookies... Just drink some more coffee from that gigantic thermos of yours and don't worry about it... Mice are scared of caffeine... Didn't you know that? (By the way, please e-mail us your current address so we can mail you out a certificate.)

A little top ten list, I was inspired to write after seeing the Social Committee's Pub Show signs.

Enjoy!

-Gregory R. Snow

From the home office in Worcester, MA...

Top Ten Signs You go to a Tech School

10. You can't take "blow off" courses like basket weaving -- instead you can take "blow off" courses like English.

9. "Star Trek Generations" -- SOLD OUT!!!

8. Your School Cheer has 13 mathematical expressions in it.

7. Greek letters are used in classrooms, not just Fraternity houses.

6. Pine, Maple, and Elm aren't just types of trees on campus.

5. Punctuation symbols suddenly become smiley faces...and your Social Committee decides that these make good advertising posters. :)

4. "Merridian Mail...mailbox??"

3. When you ask someone what he is doing Friday night, he responds, "surfing the web."

2. Two words -- "Finger Me"!

1. Girls? girls! girls?

Need we say anything else? We like. Just a little advice, though, Mr. Snow: no more coffee for you... Wow, we have a theme... Kinda... Well, twice can be a theme... Sure it can... Well...

A few weeks ago, we mentioned the protest at MIT against the Contract with America which we attended and even got on T.V!!! (Check out the web site http://www.wpi.edu/~tbt/Antiapathy/Contract/Contract.html) We have learned from Jason Mickey in SGA that there will be a similar march in Worcester on April 28th.

To recap, the bill would effect students by eliminating the Perkins loan, Federal Work Study money, Supplemental Education Opportunity Grants, and the in-school grace period on the Stafford loan (i.e.-you pay interest while in school instead of when you get out). Granted, if this passes, the number of students who can afford to go here anymore will decline and the DAKA lines will be shorter at noon, but...

Along with effecting students, it would eliminate the FDA, clean air and water regulations, and cut the Violence Against Women Act's money. These and other important funds will be cut and as Jason Mickey said in his letter, "Take from the poor (financial aid, etc.) and give tax breaks to the rich.".

To find out more about the contract, go to the World Wide Web site mentioned above and follow the links. If you don't know how to use the web, ask a friend, ask someone at the CCC (and cross your fingers), or write to us. We will be there on the 28th, and encourage our readers to find out more about the contract and help out.

If you have a question you want answered or a topic explored you can e-mail us at newspeak@wpi.edu and they'll forward it to us. We'd also like to remind our female readers that both Guinevere and I are single guys and you can just write to us for no particular reason at all if you want. Until next week, take care.

Send your thoughts, observations, and questions to us at philler@philler.com...