Dairy Cows and a 6-Foot Threaded Rod - Kiss Me I'm Irish
by Laurel and Guinevere
Gee, no one wrote to us this week, so we'll just have to do it all ourselves... A-yup, you guessed it - this week's article is going to be reeeeeeeally short. It's not that we don't have anything new and exciting to relay to our readership this week, it's just that we believe in saving space. (Continuity twice in a row! Something's definitely wrong in the Philler camp...) Thus, this week's amazingly profound topic, if such a thing could ever be thought of as coming out of our (collective) brain, will consist of a couple reviews. This, on the whole, is designed to give the reader that bit of [insert proper word here]ism that is so important on a Tuesday.
Henry V. Great play. We just returned from the final performance, and our heads are still spinning. The set, the lighting, the acting, the pathos, and those amazing... turtle-effects (yes they were special)! How on earth did they manage to get them to dance on their little stubby tails like that? And who would have guessed that their mothers would have let them do that without a net. Too bad that boy had to die though...
Boy do we need a topic. How about a movie review... [Laurel - "Dive! Dive!"]
So anyway, we had to drain-o our tub today. [pause] Um...
Did we mention that it was too bad that the cute boy had to die...? Oh.
How 'bout those Bruins?
It has recently come to our attention that a very important "store" on Highland Street will soon be relocating. We can not be very specific on this topic for reasons of our own safety (and of course, legal reasons with Newspeak). There's more security around this place than on farmer Brown's daughter's prize-winning pig Fluffy. Ever see a pig with a chastity belt that strong? The dry-cleaning bill alone was... Um... I think we're getting off the subject here...
Anyhow, you have to be buzzed into this place (that would be "buzzed" as in to open the door, as opposed to "buzzed" as in the people who live in the apartment below us). A regular clothing store? I think not! Just one look at the place would tell you it's a front for the infamous Worcester Mafioso... Never heard of the Worcester Mafioso? That's because it's a secret... or was... um... That must be why they're relocating, right?
The Worcester Mafioso was the master-mind behind the tragic death of Mr. Hooper. However, they had absolutely-positively-nothing to do with the death of that boy (we accept that the theory that French did that). One death was quite enough - hey, they're getting a little old, and can't do much killin' anymore. They do make some very interesting dresses though.
Please send us letters. A column is a terrible thing to waste.
This week's thought: The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
Where to spend your weekend:
 Good Idea
 Bad Idea
Send your thoughts, observations, and questions to us at philler@philler.com...
| 
