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09/28/93 - Eggs and Hamsters - Who eats, and who gets eaten

Letter to the Editor: Ask not for whom the bell tolls...

02/08/94 - Strawberries and Whipped Cream - Why I get wet at WPI

02/15/94 - Pencils and Jello - What's Holding This Up?

02/22/94 - Oprah and Applesauce - And now a word from our fans

03/01/94 - Moats and Chicks - What's being served today?

03/29/94 - Lists and destiny - A smile without a cat

04/19/94 - Carbonless Paper and the Swiss Alps - The healthier alternative

04/26/94 - Toasted armadillos and the jon - How to balance the budget


08/30/94 - Coke Bottle Glasses and Chicken Little - Who's running the show?

09/07/94 - Blowup Dolls and Sharp Tacks - Closed for Remodeling

09/13/94 - Anchovies in the Petrolium Jelly - How did I get into this?

09/20/94 - Fog and the Dutch - Why am I muddy?

10/04/94 - Doughnuts and The Swamp Thing - What do you want on your Tombstone?

10/11/94 - Phone Calls and Blank Walls - Has Jack Frost been nipping at your... butt?

11/01/94 - Sabotage and Sodas - The Time has Come

11/08/94 - Ticket Stubs and Drinking - What's all the rush about?

11/15/94 - Flea Bites and Lounge Acts, Don't Touch That Dial

11/22/94 - Seagulls and Parking Lots - Do you really have to take this?

12/06/94 - Marching bands and pink balloons - You're getting verrrry sleepy...

12/13/94 - Merry Christmas or Seasons Greetings - Grab a PC and take off.

01/17/95 - Cartoons and Twinkies - Who's stuffing the ballot box?

01/24/95 - Feathers and Harbor Seals - What's that thing growing on your leg?!

01/31/95 - Four-wheelers and Telephone Poles - Who's been eating YOUR porridge?

02/07/95 - Fig Leaves and Pipe Cleaners - What are you doing in here?

02/21/95 - Cappuccino and Microchips - The Good Time Eating Place

02/28/95 - Dental Floss & Diaphragms - Trouble Brewing?

03/21/95 - Tangerines and Coffee Beans - Sleepless in New Jersey

03/28/95 - Top Hats and Hopscotch - Your one-stop bait and tackle store

04/04/95 - L. I. L. A. B. O. C. A. W. J. S. O. T. N. Y. F. I. T. W. B. T. Y. A. P. I. T. B. N. O. T. F. B. R. T. W. L. T. C. P. F. T. O. Y. W. F. T. S. Y. C. F. O. N. T. I. T. I. O. B. Y. F. T. O. Y. W. D. K. H. O. T. H. T. O. Y. V. C. R. W. I. H. U. A. A. S. . L. T. J. W. T. U. A. W. B. G. T. S. B. A. M. T. F. 1. I. O. M. S. A. O. T. L. T. W. A. W. T. D. T. H. O. W. R. W. L. Y. P. W. W. W. C. T. Y. A. O. T. D. A. A. V. E. R. O. Y. C. B. W. K. T. W. C. N. A. A. P. O. Y. H. Q. T. U. L. I. T. T. Y. G. S. O. Y. N. H. I. W. O. M. P. L. G. I. A. S. G. P. T. Y. N. T. Y. N. N. N. I. I. T. Y. U. L. G. B. T. T. A. T. R. A. L. B. O. A. W. H. A. A. N. W. W. H. A. R. A. A. R. C. A. C. N. W. C. A. P. P. C. A. N. P. P. C. M. A. W. E. I. L. N. R. C. C. H. H. A. W. W. A. T. T. S. I. T. W. R. R. R. W. Y. T. D. A. T. W. L. F. F. U. P. T. E. P. U. T. T. W. T. W. R. T. Y. N. R. P. T. W. Y. B. A. D. A. W. P. I. F. Y. B. F. M. S. D. E. O. Y. L. T. A. P. L. A. G. C. A. W. P. T. D. F. Y. F. C. O. S. D. D. F. C. S. A. F. N. J. D. S. K. T. E. A. S. W. O. S. S. D. A. E. W. T. P. C. W. U. W. G. A. F. T. O. R. A. B. Y. F. A. S. D. C. O. O. H. W. W. R. Y. T. Y. P. S. P. N. W. T. Y. - A new record

04/11/95 - Spandex and Harsh Abrasives - We don't do Windows

04/18/95 - Paper Bags and Sharp Sticks - What flavor would you like?

04/25/95 - Sponge Cake and Mrs. Butterworth - Some settling may occur during shipping


08/19/95 - Aardvarks and Toothpicks - Here's looking at you, kid.

08/29/95 - Pop Rocks and Oral Sex - Please watch your step

09/06/95 - Laserdisks and Fallen Angels - Who finished off the milk?!

09/12/95 - Cheez-Its and Deep Sea Fishing - Parrish the Thought

09/26/95 - Napkin Roses and Freckles - Nice guys read Dr. Seuss

10/03/95 - Laser Sights and Goats - Sorry, Worcester Joke...

10/10/95 - Cockroaches and Sack Fights - I'm sorry, my dentures must have slipped

10/31/95 - Paper Clips and Vegetarians - Do Whatever the Little Voices Tell You To Do

11/07/95 - Peanut Butter and Mel Tormei - Hey, Who Used All the Hot Water?!

11/14/95 - Hot Fudge and Cold Guns - Excuse me, there's a fly in my soup.

11/21/95 - Dairy Cows and a 6-Foot Threaded Rod - Kiss Me I'm Irish

12/05/95 - VCRs and Cannolies - Just point, click, and ship.

12/12/95 - Thick Socks and Bubble Baths - Sorry, Virginia...

01/16/96 - Shoehorns and a Pleasant Wedge - 'Nuff snow fer ya?

01/23/96 - Harsh Words and Sun Spots - The Gompei Chronicles

02/13/96 - Silly String and Lois Lane - Sounds Like a Title to Me

04/23/96 - Pickles and Pizza - No, no, no. He's just... pining...


04/22/97 - Natural Oils and Stolen Ideas - There's a Buddha on my Monitor


01/30/01 - Strained Peas and Intellectual Property - We Didn't Expect the Spanish Inquisition!

02/06/01 - Squirrels and Party Favors - Hey, babe, what's your sign?

02/13/01 - Charlie Sheen and Bean Paste - Anybody know what happened to the cat?

02/20/01 - Peaches and Spiny Chameleons - Did I leave the branding iron on?


Toasts and Shaving Cream - If you're the best man, why are you going stag?

09/04/01 - Boxers and Radishes - I want a standing ovation!

11/13/01 - Sardines and Diamondbacks - We agree to pause and rant

Cartoons and Twinkies - Who's stuffing the ballot box?

by Laurel and Guinevere

We're back again. So how was everybody's "break?" Somehow it never seems to be quite a "break," but that's an entirely different story. We're going to tell you anyway, though, because we think that it is worth it. Guinevere is letting me type (for once) this story, because she is too distraught about her so-called "vacation." It seems that it all started on the long, long, long, drive to that place that she used to call home. (Lower your lights here, and play some gothic music just for effect.) Looking back, she should have flown, and taken her chances with UPS. With 20/20 hindsight, it would have been much cheaper, and probably far less nerve-racking, to ship herself in a large cardboard box that her life-size solid rubber Elvis doll came in, but even engineers can't always think of everything.

So, there she was, driving home all alone. After going 300 miles out of her way just to see, and I quote, "a really neat sunset" in New Jersey, she stopped to pick up a friendly-looking stranger. He was dressed as a clown. What was going through her head, we'll never know. Maybe it was, "Clowns are always friendly, so they must be safe." Or perhaps it was a result of her fetish for men in uniform.

Anyway, the clown, whose name was "Ed the Clown, but you may call be Butch," (it said so on his card) had quite the story to tell. He was running away from the circus to become a business... person. He said that he was going to New York City, but did not mind taking a little detour to see some of this great country of ours.

Well, it went downhill from there, and includes some rather compromising information, so I'm going to have to cut it short. Basically she ended up surrounded by spiral-notebook-waving pygmies from the island of Tuvalu in the South Pacific. The pictures did not come out very well, since Butch was rather inept with the Instamatic. But luckily, her sacrifice to the god they call Tambala Scala was inadvertently thwarted by a bus-load of nuns. How she made it home is a tale which even she does not remember. So next time you think that YOUR break was bad, just remember poor Guinevere, and try not to laugh.

We told you that story so we could tell you this one...

This week we have something to say that we have said in the past, but we think that it bears repeating. You know, for the amount of noise that this campus can generate (just go into DAKA during the busy point of any meal to see and hear what we're talking about), there is this strange sort of silence when it comes to the issues. We don't mean that WPI students should be screaming about everything all the time, but that it seems as if there is not enough involvement. Very few people seem to care about what is going on around this campus. Oh, sure, you can hear them complain all the time, but they are complaining to each other, not to those who can actually change any of the problems.

Our last article before Winter Break stressed the lack of communication between people on campus; how everybody seemed to be in their own world, and not caring about those around them. Well, this seemed, and still seems, quite odd to us, even though we ourselves are quite odd. Even the people who are trying to do something good for others are not protected from this silly game of scapegoat. For example, some of our friends received via campus mail a "Ballot Referendum for SGA C-Term Election" which was quite disturbing. It shows just how far someone, or several someones, have gone. The entire text of the note follows:

	Ballot Referendum for SGA C-Term Election

Proposed Legislation:  The group that is currently called Student Government 
Association shall cease all activities on April 1, and there after.

By signing this petition and returning it, you signify that you wish this to be 
voted on by the whole campus.  And that you feel SGA is not actually doing 
something for you.

printed name:___________________
Please return this petition to SGA! :)
We realize that the date is April Fool's Day, and that there is an ASCII smiley face at the end, both of which signify a possible joke, but that's not the point. The point is that someone thinks that this sort of thing is funny. In a way we are defending SGA. (Shiver. Eeew, how could we say such a thing...) Although they are not the greatest thing since sliced bread, they at least are trying to do something positive for the community as a whole. [BTW, Don't ever go to their meetings, as they are boring and handled in a much - to - serious - way - for - a - bunch - of - college - kids - just - trying - to - get - some - things - done - without - the - administration - jumping - down - their - throats - for - interfering (M. T. S. W. F. A. B. O. C. K. J. T. T. G. S. T. D. W. T. A. J. D. T. T. F. I.).]

Darn. 26 letters. Missed it by thiiiis much....

We need a student body like SGA to organize things and try to get some involvement out of this community. The problem is that they deal far too much with the silly formalities and rules of order of many real governing bodies. It seems to us that if they just had a meeting like everyone else would, they could get a lot more done. There should also be some aspect of "student representation" in the Student Government Association. Somewhere, somehow, the idea came to mean a government OF students, instead of FOR students. When was the last time that they asked for YOUR opinion? We don't want to get rid of SGA, just restore the original purpose.

Sorry for going on like that, but if you are not in the mood for some more talk about communication, then we suggest that you skip to some part of the paper that deals with less thoughtful topics (try the Greek Corner).

Every week we write an article of at least half a page. (For those interested in the particulars, that's including the logo.) We mostly fill the space with silly bits about this and that, but we try to have some sort of message about improving life here at WPI. It is not always implicitly stated in flaming bold type at the top of the page, but it is in there, just like the sauce. We try not to just randomly attack a group (DAKA for instance) without giving them an "out." We complained about the apparent lack of tea spoons (remember "soup spoon, soup spoon, soup spoon"?) and since then we have not had any problems finding the right eating utensil. Oh sure, we didn't get a letter from DAKA, but they did prove to be conscious of the student need, and adjusted accordingly. We pick on them a lot, but they are trying. However, we still have not received the official version of what the heck "IT" is really doing there, and who is paying for it, etc. (This sort of thing is what we in the business cleverly call a "great big hint.")

Way back last year, in one of our first articles, we complained that the routes around this campus were very treacherous when covered with snow, and that Plant Services was not doing an adequate job of keeping them clear. We happened to mention that some people we knew were not going to classes because they did not dare cross the frozen ground for fear of not keeping their bones fully intact and on the inside. Well, apparently (then) President Strauss read this (or heard about it through the grape vine, or read it on the bathroom wall) and called Plant Services. From then on, the walkways were clear, the sun shone more brightly over Whoopie Tech, and the birds came back. (You can smile now. The story's over and it had a happy ending.)

The moral of the story is that we saw a problem and did something about it. Sure, we could have called some office or another, or written email, or just sit there and take it, but that is not the kind of people we are. We have to say something, and Philler is our way of doing it. We want people to read our articles. If you agree with what we say -- write to us and say so! If you think we are a couple of mindless jerks who will be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes -- write to us and say so! If you don't care what we say, but have something to say on your own -- write to us and say so! We will print your concerns. We will listen. We hope, however, that you will take some responsibility and try to come up with a solution for your problem, or at least try to work with those who can.

NOTE: If we ask a certain group or person a question in our article, it would be very nice to get a response directed toward us. Complaining to Newspeak's editor does very little good, since we write commentary, not Editorials. By the time it gets to us, the specifics of the message are lost in the translation. We welcome any written comment that you have to share, whether or not we agree with what you say.

We are talking about communication. We are asking everyone who is out there reading this to take a moment and think about what you would like to see here at WPI, what you are sick of seeing, and anything else that is on your (collective) mind. You can write directly to Newspeak (WPI Box 2700 or if you wish to avoid us completely. Heck, you could even join Newspeak and write something every darn week! Imagine this: your voice trying to make a difference! We do it every week in some bizarre way or another. Much of the time nothing comes of it. Sometimes we are just trying to get our readers to take a slightly different view of the world around us. Here and there the entire thing is just silly, but we keep doing it. We have written every single week since the start of the school year, plus a bunch last year, and we still have things to write about. If we can do it, you can do it.

Whoever wrote that SGA Ballot Referendum, we are definitely interested in hearing from you. We want to know why you propose to dismantle the Student Government, one of the few groups who actually tries to get some things done for the good of everybody. They're not perfect, but they are trying to help. What will you propose next?

All that we ask is that if you have something to say, please say it loudly. (The previous statement does not apply between the hours of 11PM and 8AM. Thank you.) Write to Newspeak. Write to us. Hang a sign out your window. Chalk the sidewalks. Tattoo yourself. Paint it on your car, or on a friend's car, or on yourself. Request a room from the Events Coordinator (831-5613) and hold your own meeting (don't forget to use one of the previously mentioned attention getters) to discuss the issues that you feel are important. Get a bunch of your friends together who feel the same way, or even those who feel differently, and debate it. Have your RA set up a meeting with other students who feel that they have things to say as well. Be happy about the way things are. Be angry about them. Be a little of both. Be a lot of both. Just do something. Let people know how you feel. It's the only way to get anything changed or kept.

If you have any feelings at all about what was said in this article, please write to us. We want to hear what you think and feel. We've already said how you can reach us. Now it's your turn.

BTW, it may be a good idea to pick up a copy of King Missle's album Happy Hour, and listen to track five, "It's Saturday." It is a good song, albeit a weird one, but it says some neat things that sort of relate to what we talked about. Well, ok , it doesn't really relate, but hey, deal with it.

P.S. The new WPI movie channel (12) is really cool....

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