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09/28/93 - Eggs and Hamsters - Who eats, and who gets eaten

Letter to the Editor: Ask not for whom the bell tolls...

02/08/94 - Strawberries and Whipped Cream - Why I get wet at WPI

02/15/94 - Pencils and Jello - What's Holding This Up?

02/22/94 - Oprah and Applesauce - And now a word from our fans

03/01/94 - Moats and Chicks - What's being served today?

03/29/94 - Lists and destiny - A smile without a cat

04/19/94 - Carbonless Paper and the Swiss Alps - The healthier alternative

04/26/94 - Toasted armadillos and the jon - How to balance the budget


08/30/94 - Coke Bottle Glasses and Chicken Little - Who's running the show?

09/07/94 - Blowup Dolls and Sharp Tacks - Closed for Remodeling

09/13/94 - Anchovies in the Petrolium Jelly - How did I get into this?

09/20/94 - Fog and the Dutch - Why am I muddy?

10/04/94 - Doughnuts and The Swamp Thing - What do you want on your Tombstone?

10/11/94 - Phone Calls and Blank Walls - Has Jack Frost been nipping at your... butt?

11/01/94 - Sabotage and Sodas - The Time has Come

11/08/94 - Ticket Stubs and Drinking - What's all the rush about?

11/15/94 - Flea Bites and Lounge Acts, Don't Touch That Dial

11/22/94 - Seagulls and Parking Lots - Do you really have to take this?

12/06/94 - Marching bands and pink balloons - You're getting verrrry sleepy...

12/13/94 - Merry Christmas or Seasons Greetings - Grab a PC and take off.

01/17/95 - Cartoons and Twinkies - Who's stuffing the ballot box?

01/24/95 - Feathers and Harbor Seals - What's that thing growing on your leg?!

01/31/95 - Four-wheelers and Telephone Poles - Who's been eating YOUR porridge?

02/07/95 - Fig Leaves and Pipe Cleaners - What are you doing in here?

02/21/95 - Cappuccino and Microchips - The Good Time Eating Place

02/28/95 - Dental Floss & Diaphragms - Trouble Brewing?

03/21/95 - Tangerines and Coffee Beans - Sleepless in New Jersey

03/28/95 - Top Hats and Hopscotch - Your one-stop bait and tackle store

04/04/95 - L. I. L. A. B. O. C. A. W. J. S. O. T. N. Y. F. I. T. W. B. T. Y. A. P. I. T. B. N. O. T. F. B. R. T. W. L. T. C. P. F. T. O. Y. W. F. T. S. Y. C. F. O. N. T. I. T. I. O. B. Y. F. T. O. Y. W. D. K. H. O. T. H. T. O. Y. V. C. R. W. I. H. U. A. A. S. . L. T. J. W. T. U. A. W. B. G. T. S. B. A. M. T. F. 1. I. O. M. S. A. O. T. L. T. W. A. W. T. D. T. H. O. W. R. W. L. Y. P. W. W. W. C. T. Y. A. O. T. D. A. A. V. E. R. O. Y. C. B. W. K. T. W. C. N. A. A. P. O. Y. H. Q. T. U. L. I. T. T. Y. G. S. O. Y. N. H. I. W. O. M. P. L. G. I. A. S. G. P. T. Y. N. T. Y. N. N. N. I. I. T. Y. U. L. G. B. T. T. A. T. R. A. L. B. O. A. W. H. A. A. N. W. W. H. A. R. A. A. R. C. A. C. N. W. C. A. P. P. C. A. N. P. P. C. M. A. W. E. I. L. N. R. C. C. H. H. A. W. W. A. T. T. S. I. T. W. R. R. R. W. Y. T. D. A. T. W. L. F. F. U. P. T. E. P. U. T. T. W. T. W. R. T. Y. N. R. P. T. W. Y. B. A. D. A. W. P. I. F. Y. B. F. M. S. D. E. O. Y. L. T. A. P. L. A. G. C. A. W. P. T. D. F. Y. F. C. O. S. D. D. F. C. S. A. F. N. J. D. S. K. T. E. A. S. W. O. S. S. D. A. E. W. T. P. C. W. U. W. G. A. F. T. O. R. A. B. Y. F. A. S. D. C. O. O. H. W. W. R. Y. T. Y. P. S. P. N. W. T. Y. - A new record

04/11/95 - Spandex and Harsh Abrasives - We don't do Windows

04/18/95 - Paper Bags and Sharp Sticks - What flavor would you like?

04/25/95 - Sponge Cake and Mrs. Butterworth - Some settling may occur during shipping


08/19/95 - Aardvarks and Toothpicks - Here's looking at you, kid.

08/29/95 - Pop Rocks and Oral Sex - Please watch your step

09/06/95 - Laserdisks and Fallen Angels - Who finished off the milk?!

09/12/95 - Cheez-Its and Deep Sea Fishing - Parrish the Thought

09/26/95 - Napkin Roses and Freckles - Nice guys read Dr. Seuss

10/03/95 - Laser Sights and Goats - Sorry, Worcester Joke...

10/10/95 - Cockroaches and Sack Fights - I'm sorry, my dentures must have slipped

10/31/95 - Paper Clips and Vegetarians - Do Whatever the Little Voices Tell You To Do

11/07/95 - Peanut Butter and Mel Tormei - Hey, Who Used All the Hot Water?!

11/14/95 - Hot Fudge and Cold Guns - Excuse me, there's a fly in my soup.

11/21/95 - Dairy Cows and a 6-Foot Threaded Rod - Kiss Me I'm Irish

12/05/95 - VCRs and Cannolies - Just point, click, and ship.

12/12/95 - Thick Socks and Bubble Baths - Sorry, Virginia...

01/16/96 - Shoehorns and a Pleasant Wedge - 'Nuff snow fer ya?

01/23/96 - Harsh Words and Sun Spots - The Gompei Chronicles

02/13/96 - Silly String and Lois Lane - Sounds Like a Title to Me

04/23/96 - Pickles and Pizza - No, no, no. He's just... pining...


04/22/97 - Natural Oils and Stolen Ideas - There's a Buddha on my Monitor


01/30/01 - Strained Peas and Intellectual Property - We Didn't Expect the Spanish Inquisition!

02/06/01 - Squirrels and Party Favors - Hey, babe, what's your sign?

02/13/01 - Charlie Sheen and Bean Paste - Anybody know what happened to the cat?

02/20/01 - Peaches and Spiny Chameleons - Did I leave the branding iron on?


Toasts and Shaving Cream - If you're the best man, why are you going stag?

09/04/01 - Boxers and Radishes - I want a standing ovation!

11/13/01 - Sardines and Diamondbacks - We agree to pause and rant

Strawberries and Whipped Cream - Why I get wet at WPI

by Laurel and Guinevere

I like to think it's almost spring time. It's finally starting to get warmer. Soon the birds will be singing the trees will be budding... Unfortunately, the only spring time event has been melting snow which has lead to the creation of small streams and ponds around campus. We have the ever popular Riley River, Founders Lakes, the Quad Pond, and the Field of water logged Astroturf.

When I came to WPI I envisioned an engineering school which applied their technology throughout campus. I expected buildings designed by the civils which demonstrated new building techniques. I expected the computer department to sponsor a campus wide network with terminals in every room. I wanted a mail room who would flip a switch which would turn on a small light in your room when you got mail so you wouldn't have to check your mail box all the time. Most of all, I expected a drainage system that would work. Silly me.

I, personally, do not own knee high rubber boots to walk though the puddles seemingly designed to appear around campus. This is an engineering school. Things should be built to funnel water into drains instead of forming large puddles you must ford to get to class. I don't understand.

Yes, the snow has baffled Plant Services once again. Coming back on campus after winter break, there were several paths shoveled... correction... created about campus. I figured that they were temporary paths made right after the snow storm, so people could get around easier than through a foot or so of snow. Unfortunately, that was all they had planned. These paths were created by, as far as I can discern, a type of machine, which had a plow on the front raised one or two inches above the sidewalk, followed by another attachment on the back of the truck which sprayed the snow with water and then pressed it into flat ice with a roller of some sort. This machine, however, does not have the ability to go up stairs. Stairs, it seems, were left for the people to climb of their own devices.

So basically, to get anywhere in the last few weeks, we have to take small steps with our hands sticking out to balance ourselves as we try to walk down wavy ice covered sidewalks. For a while, the paths didn't even let you get close enough to the street to cross, either... Eventually, people started making practical paths, and reforming some sort of stairways which were treacherous at best. So, someone decided that these paths weren't good enough. Back where I'm from, we have these nifty neat things called shovels. Plant Services only knows of sand. Sand, sand, sand. Everywhere I look, sand covering slippery ice below. Sort of like camouflage for ice to hide under and make you think your safe until you step on it, and then the ice pops out of nowhere and makes you land squarely on your bum. When the sand didn't seem to be doing the trick, they decided to add more sand. When the smooth ice turned into smooth ice with small holes from the sand which had melted through, they decided to try the novel idea of... adding more sand. Basically, come spring, we'll have enough sand around campus to have a SocCom sponsored beach party about campus.

Now, I can see where it would be a pain to shovel campus by hand. But I think a few key spots could have been arranged. Like steps for instance. There's nothing quite as exhilarating as trying to run down icy steps when your late for a class. I fell down a full flight of stairs last year. I went to Res. Life, and what did they do? Right, add sand... That nice sloping path which comes down the hill in front of Boynton along Institute? Instantly transformed into a wonderfully sloping bobsled track of death. Shovel, chop ice, do something so we can walk without falling down at least once a day. People are skipping classes because it's just too hard to try to get around campus...

The only truly practical, innovative, good idea thing around this campus is the God send to Founders residents and others who don't live 'on the hill': The heated library steps. Even on the most icy day, the library steps up the hill are dry and toasty warm to the touch. It also tends to have a wicked cool smoke machine effect in the mornings after a light snow. I feel like I'm in a music video some mornings. Unfortunately, the steps themselves are too short to walk up comfortably, and to far apart to take two steps at a time to compensate.

That's another thing: steps. I've been noticing that most sets of steps around campus come in odd numbers. That doesn't seem to be a big deal, but when you're in a hurry, and want to take two steps at a time, you always get one of those awkward half set of steps at the end which gives you that funny feeling in your stomach for some bizarre reason. I think most of the steps should be redone around campus with even numbers of steps, and rise-run ratios calculated for human beings.

Wonderful, wonderful, applications of the technology being taught at this school. We have Riley Hall which I believe is a civil project gone horribly awry. Don't get me wrong, I love the look of the building, but it seems to be experiencing a very strong gravity field which causes the floors to get shorter and shorter as you go up in the building.

And I am sure that most of you have been in Goddard Hall at least once. Did ya ever notice that Goddard really sucks? Literally, it sucks. (Heh, heh. I said suck... Shut up Beavis...) In fact, you have to brace yourself like a mountain climber to open the door without dislocating your shoulder. Who designed this thing? Furthermore, when you try to leave the building, there is this Arctic blast of air (kinda like those in the York Peppermint Patty commercials) that nearly knocks you off your feet - and, I have to add, does a good job in messing up your hair. And did-cha' ever notice how its almost like this sick little game of "who gets to open the door" when more than one person is approaching the dreaded entrance? Everyone kind of s-l-o-w-s down until one person reaches the door, then once they open it, everyone hurries up to get through before it closes...

The magic is over. It's just a normal school, with normal building problems, no drains, a chemistry building that could spontaneously implode at any minute, and a civil building named after a structural disaster. If a campus conveys the spirit of the technology taught, I hope the company that is thinking of hiring me doesn't come down to visit.

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