Pencils and Jello - What's Holding This Up?

First and foremost, we have a building that seems to defy laws taken for granted by such greats as Einstein, Newton, and Professor Long. Though not necessarily in that order. Founders Hall not only won design awards, but it is also the only residence hall with levitating ceilings. Well, maybe not levitating, but they definitely do not touch the walls. Impossible you say? Take a look. The only thing holding them in place is the stress of the students inside. The walls serve only as moral support... Although to some this may seem quite disconcerting, it does have it's advantages.

Since the walls don't touch, they provide absolutely no sound barriers, eliminating the need to actually go into your neighbor's room to listen to their stereo. Now you can enjoy the pleasures of Nine Inch Nails from the comfort of your own bedroom, even while sleeping. We won't even delve into a discussion of when your roommate's significant other stays overnight, and the infinite audio possibilities that can be achieved.

The minute (*cough*) cracks between the concrete ceiling slabs also provide new and exciting acoustical effects, free of charge, from your friends upstairs. Whether it's flushing the toilet, or vacuuming the floor, they can hear you. Scary, huh?

Just a little ditty (not about Jack and Diane) about the Daniels Hall elevator, even though most students will never get the chance to take advantage of the awe-inspiring ride it provides. The truth of the matter is, the elevator is getting old, and, well, maybe it does not work quite as well as it used to. As it turns out, if you (foolishly) press more than one button at once, the darling little thing gets all confused, and decides to send you on a bizarre trip - to Floor 2.5. When the doors open, you will see the scrawled message, "Holy s*it, you're stuck!" Apparently this has been happening for quite some time. This wonderful "Vertical People Transporter" was probably designed and built by some grumpy old man exacting his petty revenge on the youth of tomorrow. (Figure that one out if you can...) I would not advise trying this particular stunt, as the elevator has been aging, and is quite unpredictable - kinda like a Mr. Wizard experiment, but different.

At this time in our article, we would like to pause our in-depth, and wicked serious investigation to pose a few questions that have us stumped:

Why is every single electrical outlet in Founders Hall upside-down?

Who are the stone faces, on the front of Sanford Riley Hall above the front door, supposed to be?

Is there any practical use for the Wedge?

Let us make sure we got this straight. Washburn: Nuclear Engineering, Mechanical Engineering, and Management? Huh?

Why is Boynton Hall unlike every other building on campus? I mean, stone is cool, but it don't match. (We won't even get into the stucco-ness of Institute Hall...)

Is there any practical reason why the door hinges to the Washburn Shops are not placed at the ends of the door, where non-engineers usually put them?

And whatever happened to all those nifty-neat levers and switches, and dials (oh, my!) in Atwater Kent? (Just to confuse people, walk by the remaining panels and throw one of the switches. Wait for a second, check a dial, nod, and then leave.)

Why does the ceiling in the third floor stairwell in Washburn suddenly shrink to Alice in Wonderland "Drink Me" height?

And on a similar note, where does the Alice in Wonderland "Drink Me" height door in Salisbury lead to, which can only be accurately described as on the 0.5th floor?

and last, but not least:

How many floors are in Gordon Library, anyhow? It just seems to go down, and down, and down...

If you have ever been in Morgan Hall, you may have noticed that the walls in some rooms don't have nice, neat corners. In fact, they seem to be strategically-placed cinder block outcroppings where furniture desperately needs to be. This, on the whole, would seem to be kinda annoying. In our undying commitment to you, our readers, we have conducted an exhaustive inspection of Morgan Hall. Our search has revealed (apart from a rather unsightly mess in certain rooms), a startling weirdness. The outcroppings are in rooms on the outside edge of the left-hand wing, and on the inside edge of the right-hand wing. Go figure...

On a similar note, we have received reports from our agents in the Fuller apartments, who have plasterboard outcroppings in their rooms, which could have only been planned by a master engineer, to allow for an opening along the wall exactly two inches shy of letting the bed fit. Keep on figuring...

We interrupt ourselves once again to bring you this week's winner of the award for the Silliest Piece of Architecture on a Campus of Learned Engineers (S.P.A.C.L.E.). Do this and you'll see:

Exit the front door of Fuller Labs. The real front door. Not the one that everyone (except Civils) use. In case you don't know, it faces Salisbury Street. Walk down the stairway toward the street, and as you pass by Kaven Hall, take a look at the windows. If you have a keen eye, you may notice a wicked small window that looks like a tumor growing off of the big window next to it. (Yes it is a tumor.)

Try this. It's really cool:

Go into Fuller Labs (again), down by the ground floor on the Kaven Hall side. Go through the door to the stairwell. Wait for the door to close behind you. There now. If it had been after hours, the stairwell doors would have been locked behind you (so an informed source tells us) and you would have no choice but to leave the building (through the emergency door, and thus be outside in the snow) or spend the night in the building. Now aren't you glad that you read this entire paragraph first?

Here's a little game: get out your 1994-95 Undergraduate Catalog and take a look at the front cover. (Hopefully you will actually recognize at least some of the buildings, but that is not the point). We have a theory, and it goes a little something like this:

Our theory (and we got a little help on this one) is that the pictured campus is actually a miniature replica. Why else would the rooftop antennas (and other sundry rooftop paraphernalia) not show up on an aerial photograph? Honest. Don't believe us? Think about it. How else would The Big A get prospective freshmen to come to this place? You honestly don't think that anyone in their right mind would come here if they saw how downright ugly our roofs are? (At least all the sand Plant Services puts down in the winter makes us resemble a cool California school).

But this has not always been the case. Get a hold of (if you can) a 1991-92 copy of the Undergraduate Catalog and compare the cover pictures. Yucky roofs. See what we mean? WPI is trying to open up its student body to a more discriminating group of people - say, the avant garde of the college world. (Yeah, right.)

If you are now quite confused, don't worry. Laurel just reminded me that the purpose of Philler is to mention the stuff that YOU shouldn't have time to think about, but WE do. In all honesty, we are amazed at the amount of people who actually take an interest in our articles. We try our hardest to be stupid, but you keep reading it anyhow. Who does that make insane: you or us? (Our vote is for us, but, then again, we're biased).

In closing, if you have any wicked, truly awesome, totally gnarly things to tell us, or if you have complaints, don't bother the poor editors, just write e-mail to newspeak@wpi.edu and write "Philler" as the subject. They'll be more than happy to forward it to us. We look forward to maybe getting some feedback (not like the kind when you stick the microphone next to the speaker and... - sorry, geek attack) and/or story ideas. In the meantime, we will continue to bring you bizarre entertainment every Tuesday, and our show is on at five on the WPI channel. (Just kidding.) Just kidding.

P.S. Did ya ever notice:

Higgins Labs is shaped like an 'H.' That's just plain cool.

And probably our best looking conference room is in the least likely location - under the bleachers of Harrington. Check it out.

Send your thoughts, observations, and questions to us at philler@philler.com...