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09/28/93 - Eggs and Hamsters - Who eats, and who gets eaten

Letter to the Editor: Ask not for whom the bell tolls...

02/08/94 - Strawberries and Whipped Cream - Why I get wet at WPI

02/15/94 - Pencils and Jello - What's Holding This Up?

02/22/94 - Oprah and Applesauce - And now a word from our fans

03/01/94 - Moats and Chicks - What's being served today?

03/29/94 - Lists and destiny - A smile without a cat

04/19/94 - Carbonless Paper and the Swiss Alps - The healthier alternative

04/26/94 - Toasted armadillos and the jon - How to balance the budget


08/30/94 - Coke Bottle Glasses and Chicken Little - Who's running the show?

09/07/94 - Blowup Dolls and Sharp Tacks - Closed for Remodeling

09/13/94 - Anchovies in the Petrolium Jelly - How did I get into this?

09/20/94 - Fog and the Dutch - Why am I muddy?

10/04/94 - Doughnuts and The Swamp Thing - What do you want on your Tombstone?

10/11/94 - Phone Calls and Blank Walls - Has Jack Frost been nipping at your... butt?

11/01/94 - Sabotage and Sodas - The Time has Come

11/08/94 - Ticket Stubs and Drinking - What's all the rush about?

11/15/94 - Flea Bites and Lounge Acts, Don't Touch That Dial

11/22/94 - Seagulls and Parking Lots - Do you really have to take this?

12/06/94 - Marching bands and pink balloons - You're getting verrrry sleepy...

12/13/94 - Merry Christmas or Seasons Greetings - Grab a PC and take off.

01/17/95 - Cartoons and Twinkies - Who's stuffing the ballot box?

01/24/95 - Feathers and Harbor Seals - What's that thing growing on your leg?!

01/31/95 - Four-wheelers and Telephone Poles - Who's been eating YOUR porridge?

02/07/95 - Fig Leaves and Pipe Cleaners - What are you doing in here?

02/21/95 - Cappuccino and Microchips - The Good Time Eating Place

02/28/95 - Dental Floss & Diaphragms - Trouble Brewing?

03/21/95 - Tangerines and Coffee Beans - Sleepless in New Jersey

03/28/95 - Top Hats and Hopscotch - Your one-stop bait and tackle store

04/04/95 - L. I. L. A. B. O. C. A. W. J. S. O. T. N. Y. F. I. T. W. B. T. Y. A. P. I. T. B. N. O. T. F. B. R. T. W. L. T. C. P. F. T. O. Y. W. F. T. S. Y. C. F. O. N. T. I. T. I. O. B. Y. F. T. O. Y. W. D. K. H. O. T. H. T. O. Y. V. C. R. W. I. H. U. A. A. S. . L. T. J. W. T. U. A. W. B. G. T. S. B. A. M. T. F. 1. I. O. M. S. A. O. T. L. T. W. A. W. T. D. T. H. O. W. R. W. L. Y. P. W. W. W. C. T. Y. A. O. T. D. A. A. V. E. R. O. Y. C. B. W. K. T. W. C. N. A. A. P. O. Y. H. Q. T. U. L. I. T. T. Y. G. S. O. Y. N. H. I. W. O. M. P. L. G. I. A. S. G. P. T. Y. N. T. Y. N. N. N. I. I. T. Y. U. L. G. B. T. T. A. T. R. A. L. B. O. A. W. H. A. A. N. W. W. H. A. R. A. A. R. C. A. C. N. W. C. A. P. P. C. A. N. P. P. C. M. A. W. E. I. L. N. R. C. C. H. H. A. W. W. A. T. T. S. I. T. W. R. R. R. W. Y. T. D. A. T. W. L. F. F. U. P. T. E. P. U. T. T. W. T. W. R. T. Y. N. R. P. T. W. Y. B. A. D. A. W. P. I. F. Y. B. F. M. S. D. E. O. Y. L. T. A. P. L. A. G. C. A. W. P. T. D. F. Y. F. C. O. S. D. D. F. C. S. A. F. N. J. D. S. K. T. E. A. S. W. O. S. S. D. A. E. W. T. P. C. W. U. W. G. A. F. T. O. R. A. B. Y. F. A. S. D. C. O. O. H. W. W. R. Y. T. Y. P. S. P. N. W. T. Y. - A new record

04/11/95 - Spandex and Harsh Abrasives - We don't do Windows

04/18/95 - Paper Bags and Sharp Sticks - What flavor would you like?

04/25/95 - Sponge Cake and Mrs. Butterworth - Some settling may occur during shipping


08/19/95 - Aardvarks and Toothpicks - Here's looking at you, kid.

08/29/95 - Pop Rocks and Oral Sex - Please watch your step

09/06/95 - Laserdisks and Fallen Angels - Who finished off the milk?!

09/12/95 - Cheez-Its and Deep Sea Fishing - Parrish the Thought

09/26/95 - Napkin Roses and Freckles - Nice guys read Dr. Seuss

10/03/95 - Laser Sights and Goats - Sorry, Worcester Joke...

10/10/95 - Cockroaches and Sack Fights - I'm sorry, my dentures must have slipped

10/31/95 - Paper Clips and Vegetarians - Do Whatever the Little Voices Tell You To Do

11/07/95 - Peanut Butter and Mel Tormei - Hey, Who Used All the Hot Water?!

11/14/95 - Hot Fudge and Cold Guns - Excuse me, there's a fly in my soup.

11/21/95 - Dairy Cows and a 6-Foot Threaded Rod - Kiss Me I'm Irish

12/05/95 - VCRs and Cannolies - Just point, click, and ship.

12/12/95 - Thick Socks and Bubble Baths - Sorry, Virginia...

01/16/96 - Shoehorns and a Pleasant Wedge - 'Nuff snow fer ya?

01/23/96 - Harsh Words and Sun Spots - The Gompei Chronicles

02/13/96 - Silly String and Lois Lane - Sounds Like a Title to Me

04/23/96 - Pickles and Pizza - No, no, no. He's just... pining...


04/22/97 - Natural Oils and Stolen Ideas - There's a Buddha on my Monitor


01/30/01 - Strained Peas and Intellectual Property - We Didn't Expect the Spanish Inquisition!

02/06/01 - Squirrels and Party Favors - Hey, babe, what's your sign?

02/13/01 - Charlie Sheen and Bean Paste - Anybody know what happened to the cat?

02/20/01 - Peaches and Spiny Chameleons - Did I leave the branding iron on?


Toasts and Shaving Cream - If you're the best man, why are you going stag?

09/04/01 - Boxers and Radishes - I want a standing ovation!

11/13/01 - Sardines and Diamondbacks - We agree to pause and rant

Cappuccino and Microchips - The Good Time Eating Place

by Laurel and Guinevere

Well, WPIR is still cleaning up the studio since our second show. It's so hard to get Tabasco sauce out of leather... Since we got all of the technical stuff mastered, we'll start having more talk, contests, special effects, and flying pigeons. We thank everyone who gets up early enough on Friday mornings to catch the show. See you from 6:00 am - 8:00 am next Phriday! If you do happen to be up and listening to our show, call us up at 831-5955 just to let us know we aren't talking to thin air or just people who are passed out in front of the TV because of the party the night before. One of our listeners caught the show:

Hi there!

I just wanted to let you both know that I caught your radio show this morning and thought it was good. Great music and great sound effect type thingies. Too bad it's on so early. Maybe we should get a big PA system and wake everyone up on Friday mornings just so they can listen to Philler Phriday.

On to other matters though....

I had a somewhat strange experience this past week and thought you and your readers might find it humorous. I was digging out my car this past week and my ID somehow disappeared...I'm not sure how...maybe aliens came and took it or perhaps a big purple ID eating monster ate it... but that's not the point. The point is I went to DAKA, I place I go to everyday with my ID, to get a substitute meal pass so that I could eat and the assistant manager who was working at that time asked me if I had another ID on me, I didn't and he proceeded to tell me that I needed one for him to give me a substitute meal pass. Well, I was suave and convinced him, after a lot of begging and pleading , to give me the meal pass. Anyhow, the next day I went up to the accounting office to get money so I could get a new one and the lady there cashed my check even without an ID because she remembered me from the two or three times I'd been in there early this year. Then I went down to get my ID and the guy down there didn't ask to see any ID, all I had to do was fill out a card with my name and social security question to you and your readers is this....why is it that I need an ID to get a substitute meal pass but I don't need an alternate form of ID to get a school ID that allows me to eat on the meal plan and to get into all kinds of nifty WPI events?

Pondering the perplexities of WPI,


Bureaucracy in action, hon. We looked you up on the master computer, and found out that you're just a sophomore, so we'll forgive you that you haven't figured out the intricacies of the WPI mindset yet. When you get to be our age, (which by the way is physically impossible 'cause time don't work that way) you will understand how to reach the 9th level of awareness. What is identification, anyway? A way to put you in a category. Are you going to let the ruling establishment tell you what you can and cannot eat, who you are, what your social security number is, and what you look like? If ya want to go to this institut(ion) you're gonna... Some people will accept your identity for who you are, and others will only categorize you by depending on how someone else has identified you... This is the classic difference between DAKA and Boynton. Check with your sociology professor for further information about this topic...

Dear Laurel & Guinevere,

Hi there! To avoid keeping you in suspense any longer, here's some fan mail from "the person at in Japan".

Having graduate from WPI in '89, it's nice to be able to use the WWW to keep up with what's happening in the community. From your column (and the police log...) I have an overpowering sense that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Keep up the strange work - and remember, events will only become more bizarre.


Isn't it wonderful when you can ask a question in an article, and get the answer before the paper is even printed? Wow, our first out-of-the-country-Philler-Phan-Club-Member (O. O. T. C. P. P. C. M.) If we put his name on the certificate and give it to the mailroom, will it still get forwarded to him? You can never tell with those wacky mailroom people...

Speaking of fun things to do to the mailroom, on Friday, we started this contest on the air, and we're passing the savings on to you! (Don't ask us what we mean, we just write it.) Please enter:

Do you have a big test tomorrow that you need absolute silence to study for; or is your significant other coming up to spend the weekend, and your roommate has not left the room for two weeks since they've discovered netnews or MTV? Maybe WPIR can help! Enter Philler Phridays 'Get your roommate a date' contest!

Send us your roommate's name, phone number, PO. Box, and the night you want them to be gone, on an index card. Then, pin your entry form to a pair of your roommate's favorite underwear, be it frilly or manly, and drop it into inter campus mail to Box 2700. If your roommate's a girl, the sexier the better. If your roommate's a guy, ya know, just make sure it's fairly clean, okay folks? Every week, we'll match up pairs of underwear and set those roommates up on date.

Always wanted to sleep in until dinner, but your roommate starts blaring Eric Clapton at 5:00 in the morning? Does 8:00 not give you and your S.O. enough... quality time? Just write 'Let me stay in bed a little longer' on your entry form, and we'll see if we can convince the Campus Police to pick them up on false charges and detain them for a while giving you at least until noon to do whatever has to be done.

So if Res. Services screwed you over in the housing lottery for the second year in a row, and you just want to talk about your roommate behind their back in the convenience of your own room, or maybe you just want to spend the weekend getting drunk and going through an entire fraternity alphabetically. If you're roommate has always prevented you from enjoying these simple pleasures, or has just stared these themselves and made it hard for you to concentrate, mail their underwear to us today!

Well, that's about it for this week. Sorry about missing last week's issue, but it's a complicated story involving far too many chickens, and a large glass of milk. Keep you letters and comments coming... We're still waiting for the mailroom to deliver the deluge of Valentine's Day cards we were expecting from our readers... Gadsen didn't even send us one... He sure isn't gonna get one of those dates with us now...

Send your thoughts, observations, and questions to us at