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09/28/93 - Eggs and Hamsters - Who eats, and who gets eaten

Letter to the Editor: Ask not for whom the bell tolls...

02/08/94 - Strawberries and Whipped Cream - Why I get wet at WPI

02/15/94 - Pencils and Jello - What's Holding This Up?

02/22/94 - Oprah and Applesauce - And now a word from our fans

03/01/94 - Moats and Chicks - What's being served today?

03/29/94 - Lists and destiny - A smile without a cat

04/19/94 - Carbonless Paper and the Swiss Alps - The healthier alternative

04/26/94 - Toasted armadillos and the jon - How to balance the budget


08/30/94 - Coke Bottle Glasses and Chicken Little - Who's running the show?

09/07/94 - Blowup Dolls and Sharp Tacks - Closed for Remodeling

09/13/94 - Anchovies in the Petrolium Jelly - How did I get into this?

09/20/94 - Fog and the Dutch - Why am I muddy?

10/04/94 - Doughnuts and The Swamp Thing - What do you want on your Tombstone?

10/11/94 - Phone Calls and Blank Walls - Has Jack Frost been nipping at your... butt?

11/01/94 - Sabotage and Sodas - The Time has Come

11/08/94 - Ticket Stubs and Drinking - What's all the rush about?

11/15/94 - Flea Bites and Lounge Acts, Don't Touch That Dial

11/22/94 - Seagulls and Parking Lots - Do you really have to take this?

12/06/94 - Marching bands and pink balloons - You're getting verrrry sleepy...

12/13/94 - Merry Christmas or Seasons Greetings - Grab a PC and take off.

01/17/95 - Cartoons and Twinkies - Who's stuffing the ballot box?

01/24/95 - Feathers and Harbor Seals - What's that thing growing on your leg?!

01/31/95 - Four-wheelers and Telephone Poles - Who's been eating YOUR porridge?

02/07/95 - Fig Leaves and Pipe Cleaners - What are you doing in here?

02/21/95 - Cappuccino and Microchips - The Good Time Eating Place

02/28/95 - Dental Floss & Diaphragms - Trouble Brewing?

03/21/95 - Tangerines and Coffee Beans - Sleepless in New Jersey

03/28/95 - Top Hats and Hopscotch - Your one-stop bait and tackle store

04/04/95 - L. I. L. A. B. O. C. A. W. J. S. O. T. N. Y. F. I. T. W. B. T. Y. A. P. I. T. B. N. O. T. F. B. R. T. W. L. T. C. P. F. T. O. Y. W. F. T. S. Y. C. F. O. N. T. I. T. I. O. B. Y. F. T. O. Y. W. D. K. H. O. T. H. T. O. Y. V. C. R. W. I. H. U. A. A. S. . L. T. J. W. T. U. A. W. B. G. T. S. B. A. M. T. F. 1. I. O. M. S. A. O. T. L. T. W. A. W. T. D. T. H. O. W. R. W. L. Y. P. W. W. W. C. T. Y. A. O. T. D. A. A. V. E. R. O. Y. C. B. W. K. T. W. C. N. A. A. P. O. Y. H. Q. T. U. L. I. T. T. Y. G. S. O. Y. N. H. I. W. O. M. P. L. G. I. A. S. G. P. T. Y. N. T. Y. N. N. N. I. I. T. Y. U. L. G. B. T. T. A. T. R. A. L. B. O. A. W. H. A. A. N. W. W. H. A. R. A. A. R. C. A. C. N. W. C. A. P. P. C. A. N. P. P. C. M. A. W. E. I. L. N. R. C. C. H. H. A. W. W. A. T. T. S. I. T. W. R. R. R. W. Y. T. D. A. T. W. L. F. F. U. P. T. E. P. U. T. T. W. T. W. R. T. Y. N. R. P. T. W. Y. B. A. D. A. W. P. I. F. Y. B. F. M. S. D. E. O. Y. L. T. A. P. L. A. G. C. A. W. P. T. D. F. Y. F. C. O. S. D. D. F. C. S. A. F. N. J. D. S. K. T. E. A. S. W. O. S. S. D. A. E. W. T. P. C. W. U. W. G. A. F. T. O. R. A. B. Y. F. A. S. D. C. O. O. H. W. W. R. Y. T. Y. P. S. P. N. W. T. Y. - A new record

04/11/95 - Spandex and Harsh Abrasives - We don't do Windows

04/18/95 - Paper Bags and Sharp Sticks - What flavor would you like?

04/25/95 - Sponge Cake and Mrs. Butterworth - Some settling may occur during shipping


08/19/95 - Aardvarks and Toothpicks - Here's looking at you, kid.

08/29/95 - Pop Rocks and Oral Sex - Please watch your step

09/06/95 - Laserdisks and Fallen Angels - Who finished off the milk?!

09/12/95 - Cheez-Its and Deep Sea Fishing - Parrish the Thought

09/26/95 - Napkin Roses and Freckles - Nice guys read Dr. Seuss

10/03/95 - Laser Sights and Goats - Sorry, Worcester Joke...

10/10/95 - Cockroaches and Sack Fights - I'm sorry, my dentures must have slipped

10/31/95 - Paper Clips and Vegetarians - Do Whatever the Little Voices Tell You To Do

11/07/95 - Peanut Butter and Mel Tormei - Hey, Who Used All the Hot Water?!

11/14/95 - Hot Fudge and Cold Guns - Excuse me, there's a fly in my soup.

11/21/95 - Dairy Cows and a 6-Foot Threaded Rod - Kiss Me I'm Irish

12/05/95 - VCRs and Cannolies - Just point, click, and ship.

12/12/95 - Thick Socks and Bubble Baths - Sorry, Virginia...

01/16/96 - Shoehorns and a Pleasant Wedge - 'Nuff snow fer ya?

01/23/96 - Harsh Words and Sun Spots - The Gompei Chronicles

02/13/96 - Silly String and Lois Lane - Sounds Like a Title to Me

04/23/96 - Pickles and Pizza - No, no, no. He's just... pining...


04/22/97 - Natural Oils and Stolen Ideas - There's a Buddha on my Monitor


01/30/01 - Strained Peas and Intellectual Property - We Didn't Expect the Spanish Inquisition!

02/06/01 - Squirrels and Party Favors - Hey, babe, what's your sign?

02/13/01 - Charlie Sheen and Bean Paste - Anybody know what happened to the cat?

02/20/01 - Peaches and Spiny Chameleons - Did I leave the branding iron on?


Toasts and Shaving Cream - If you're the best man, why are you going stag?

09/04/01 - Boxers and Radishes - I want a standing ovation!

11/13/01 - Sardines and Diamondbacks - We agree to pause and rant

Shoehorns and a Pleasant Wedge - 'Nuff snow fer ya?

by Laurel and ... [sniff] [sniff]

Over winter break, Guinevere and I decided to tour around the world with a very special friend of ours, who also happens to be a prominent figure at WPI. His identity will have to remain anonymous for now, but next week we'll present a collector's edition of Philler with a photo essay of our tour, and you'll no doubt recognize him. He and I arrived safely back in Worcester a while ago. Guinevere, however, decided to take a slightly longer route home, and has yet to return, leaving me to burrow excessively long tunnels through the snow just to get out of our fourth floor apartment and deliver this week's article. You thought some of our other articles were weird? Now you'll see what I think about after being cooped up by myself in Worcester for two weeks...

First and foremost, WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO THE WEDGE?!?!?!? (W. T. H. H. T. T. W. Hey look! Two pairs, or a full house! ) I walked in there the other day and did a quintuple-take. (Never try that unless you're a professional.) What happened to all the earthy orangish-brown stuff? What happened to all the carpet - covered - plywood - with - absolutely - no - padding - what - so - ever - couches - that - made - your - bum - sore - if - you - sat - on - it - for - any - length - of - time (C. C. P. W. A. N. P. W. S. E. C. T. M. Y. B. S. I. Y. S. O. I. F. A. L. O. T.)? What happened to all those famous cigarette burns that were destined to be mentioned in the next edition of Two Towers? What happened to drapery straight out of the 70's? What happened to that pig from Green Acres?

They're all gone, baby... Thrown out faster than a reluctant bungee jumper in a high speed bridge eating contest.

I do, however, think that they should put up another layer of glass between the upper and lower wedges so that they could fill it with water and put tropical fish between there. Wouldn't that look cool? It would be wicked relaxing for people in the wedge too. An IQP just waiting to happen. Who says Philler doesn't provide practical value to the campus?

Before anyone else thinks of it, I want to officially name the area formerly known as "The Wedge" as the "Laurel and Guinevere Memorial Comfy Resting Area." Oh, and if you haven't seen it yet, be sure to visit the "Laurel and Guinevere Memorial Comfy Resting Area" before everyone goes and steals the couches and chairs from the "Laurel and Guinevere Memorial Comfy Resting Area." Those couches are quite comfy.

If you're wondering what happened to all the old stuff, we've got 'em - plywood couches and all. Those tables make great cutting boards, don't ya know. Maybe we're being just a little sentimental, or maybe they'll be worth millions some day when they build a real campus center. It could happen...

As for the snow, whoa Nellie! That's what I call some real snow! I hear the ski conditions are great around the WPI campus area during lunch time. Also be sure to check out the Sole Proprietor mountain ranges.

Normally, this is the time of year when Philler picks on Plant Services until they break down and shovel. I'm pleased to announce that we will not be continuing that tradition this year. Except for a few spots, such as parking lots where there's no real place to put that snow anyhow, Plant Services has done a terrific job of getting rid of Mother Nature's dandruff this year. Even when WPI shut down during the big snow storm the first week of January, they came in anyway and all of the sidewalks on campus were immaculate before 8:00 in the morning. I'm sure the great overtime pay had nothing to do with their thoroughness and enthusiasm to make WPI a safe place to walk even though it was still snowing. Plant Services is truly the best department on campus.

So can I get to ride around in those cool one man snowplow thingies now? A deal is a deal, guys.

Delving into our mailbox, we received two items over break. Dave Koelle writes:

Why can't that guy at registration put those ID-card stickers ("S96") on straight? Is there a method to his convoluted madness?

convoluted adj.

1. Having numerous overlapping coils or folds.

2. Intricate; complicated.

Let's see, if we go by definition two, you're saying that he has a very intricate or complicated madness. If that's the case, there's no way you can expect simple little us to be able to figure it out. If we go by definition one, you're basically saying that he's loopy, which we should be able to relate to easily. However, when I got my sticker, they made me put it on myself, and I put it on straight... Maybe he just needs to drink more V-8. If anyone else has noticed this problem with their S96 sticker, be sure to go to the registrar's on 1st floor Boynton and demand to have the alignment on your sticker checked.

We also received a photograph in our mailbox this week of a young lady with boxer shorts on her head. Although we're not sure of the exact significance of this photograph, Philler encourages such photos of our readers to be sent to Philler c/o Newspeak Box 2700, or scanned and sent via e-mail to If you simply have a question you want answered or a comment you wish to share with us and the WPI community, you can send those to us too...

Well, that's all for this week, folks. Be sure to tune in next week when we'll publish lots of photos of our trip and drive our web page quota to the limit!

Just a reminder that there are only five days remaining until George Burns' 100th birthday. WPI will not hold classes on January 20th to honor this occasion.

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