Shoehorns and a Pleasant Wedge - 'Nuff snow fer ya?
Over winter break, Guinevere and I decided to tour around the world with a very special friend of ours, who also happens to be a prominent figure at WPI. His identity will have to remain anonymous for now, but next week we'll present a collector's edition of Philler with a photo essay of our tour, and you'll no doubt recognize him. He and I arrived safely back in Worcester a while ago. Guinevere, however, decided to take a slightly longer route home, and has yet to return, leaving me to burrow excessively long tunnels through the snow just to get out of our fourth floor apartment and deliver this week's article. You thought some of our other articles were weird? Now you'll see what I think about after being cooped up by myself in Worcester for two weeks...
First and foremost, WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO THE WEDGE?!?!?!? (W. T. H. H. T. T. W. Hey look! Two pairs, or a full house! ) I walked in there the other day and did a quintuple-take. (Never try that unless you're a professional.) What happened to all the earthy orangish-brown stuff? What happened to all the carpet - covered - plywood - with - absolutely - no - padding - what - so - ever - couches - that - made - your - bum - sore - if - you - sat - on - it - for - any - length - of - time (C. C. P. W. A. N. P. W. S. E. C. T. M. Y. B. S. I. Y. S. O. I. F. A. L. O. T.)? What happened to all those famous cigarette burns that were destined to be mentioned in the next edition of Two Towers? What happened to drapery straight out of the 70's? What happened to that pig from Green Acres?
They're all gone, baby... Thrown out faster than a reluctant bungee jumper in a high speed bridge eating contest.
I do, however, think that they should put up another layer of glass between the upper and lower wedges so that they could fill it with water and put tropical fish between there. Wouldn't that look cool? It would be wicked relaxing for people in the wedge too. An IQP just waiting to happen. Who says Philler doesn't provide practical value to the campus?
Before anyone else thinks of it, I want to officially name the area formerly known as "The Wedge" as the "Laurel and Guinevere Memorial Comfy Resting Area." Oh, and if you haven't seen it yet, be sure to visit the "Laurel and Guinevere Memorial Comfy Resting Area" before everyone goes and steals the couches and chairs from the "Laurel and Guinevere Memorial Comfy Resting Area." Those couches are quite comfy.
If you're wondering what happened to all the old stuff, we've got 'em - plywood couches and all. Those tables make great cutting boards, don't ya know. Maybe we're being just a little sentimental, or maybe they'll be worth millions some day when they build a real campus center. It could happen...
As for the snow, whoa Nellie! That's what I call some real snow! I hear the ski conditions are great around the WPI campus area during lunch time. Also be sure to check out the Sole Proprietor mountain ranges.
Normally, this is the time of year when Philler picks on Plant Services until they break down and shovel. I'm pleased to announce that we will not be continuing that tradition this year. Except for a few spots, such as parking lots where there's no real place to put that snow anyhow, Plant Services has done a terrific job of getting rid of Mother Nature's dandruff this year. Even when WPI shut down during the big snow storm the first week of January, they came in anyway and all of the sidewalks on campus were immaculate before 8:00 in the morning. I'm sure the great overtime pay had nothing to do with their thoroughness and enthusiasm to make WPI a safe place to walk even though it was still snowing. Plant Services is truly the best department on campus.
So can I get to ride around in those cool one man snowplow thingies now? A deal is a deal, guys.
Delving into our mailbox, we received two items over break. Dave Koelle writes:
Why can't that guy at registration put those ID-card stickers ("S96") on straight? Is there a method to his convoluted madness?
1. Having numerous overlapping coils or folds.
2. Intricate; complicated.
Let's see, if we go by definition two, you're saying that he has a very intricate or complicated madness. If that's the case, there's no way you can expect simple little us to be able to figure it out. If we go by definition one, you're basically saying that he's loopy, which we should be able to relate to easily. However, when I got my sticker, they made me put it on myself, and I put it on straight... Maybe he just needs to drink more V-8. If anyone else has noticed this problem with their S96 sticker, be sure to go to the registrar's on 1st floor Boynton and demand to have the alignment on your sticker checked.
We also received a photograph in our mailbox this week of a young lady with boxer shorts on her head. Although we're not sure of the exact significance of this photograph, Philler encourages such photos of our readers to be sent to Philler c/o Newspeak Box 2700, or scanned and sent via e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. If you simply have a question you want answered or a comment you wish to share with us and the WPI community, you can send those to us too...
Well, that's all for this week, folks. Be sure to tune in next week when we'll publish lots of photos of our trip and drive our web page quota to the limit!
Just a reminder that there are only five days remaining until George Burns' 100th birthday. WPI will not hold classes on January 20th to honor this occasion.
Send your thoughts, observations, and questions to us at email@example.com...