Sponge Cake and Mrs. Butterworth - Some settling may occur during shipping
by Laurel and Guinevere
T-1 article and counting... Good thing we have QuadFest to keep us amused 'till... Um... Let's check the mailbox:
Why is it that there are ashtrays attached to the walls at various places in Fuller Labs? It's a non-smoking building!
Oh...and what exactly does someone get when they join the Philler Fan Club?
Franklin P. Muckley, Jr.
[insert amusing anecdote involving ashtrays, rhesus monkeys, a rather sad clown, and a box of warm Rasinettes.]
Our next question comes from our buddy Dave. If you listened to our radio show last week, this is the same Dave who got his butt completely whipped playing Monopoly...
I've noticed [something] on campus today:
The tile in from of the desk at the library is the same tile behind Gompei's Function Room, near the Pathways office.
So, do you have a question for us, Dave? Don't try your luck at Jeopardy either, Dave, because you can't seem to phrase things in the form of a question...
We assume you wish to know why the tiles are the same. Well, there are two theories to this, and both of them may be true:
The first is that at one time, this campus consisted of one HUGE building. Through many years of decay and lack of upkeep by our beloved plant services, this structure eventually broke apart to form the various buildings you see today. Further evidence of this is suggested by the exterior similarities of Goddard and Daniels.
The other, and more believable story, involves a rift in the space half of the space-time continuum. Did you ever notice that Boynton Hall looks nothing like any of the other buildings around campus? Boynton Hall was not actually "built" on it's current site. It was originally a building on the Holy Cross campus brought here trough this rift. The local people in the area at the time believed that this was the start of a new college, and WPI was founded. (There is a plan proposed by the Trustees to brick-up Boynton to make it resemble the other structures on campus. However, a student coalition proposes to "brick-it up right" thereby sealing doors and windows as well as re-facing the rest of the building. For $100, you can get your name carved into any of these bricks.) Unfortunately, the rift is still active, and appears to be the reason behind the low percentage of females at WPI, and higher percentage at Holy Cross. To get back to your question, this is the reason the tile in front of the desk at the library is the same tile in the Riley Basement.
I appreciate the correction to my obviously erroneous observation about the lack of pavement on Boynton street. I will keep my eyes open for the dreaded W. S. D. F. C. D. G. O. T. T. H. A. O. O. T. B. H. W. A. P. D. O. T. S. W. I. N. W. B. I. I. H. A. N. B. ...the existence of said creatures explaining much about the way my driveway is paved...
So, do I get a cool Philler Phan Club Certificate now?
David K. Spencer
Yeah, you wrote to us. We used it in an article. Of course you get one. Easy, huh?
Say, here's a subject for your next article (or rather a question)...
Have you noticed that they put nice wrought - iron - looking - grate - thingies - over - the - new - trees - in - Salisbury - Plaza? (WILGTOTNTISP) They have already started to rust, and I don't mean a little. If this is where our money goes, I want my money back or new grates from that company! Sheesh, can't even get quality stuff for this school.
BTW, what's going to happen to Philler when you graduate? Oh, well...
Obviously, the company made a common misinterpretation. Instead of "wrought iron," they thought we wanted "rot iron." This happens all the time. This is not to be confused with "ripped out iron," which is the kind used in the gate to Bancroft Tower.
As far as what will happen to us after graduation, we believe that the administration will contact us in regards to hanging a banner in Harrington idolizing us. There have also been rumors that we're going to get some neat-o gold plated digital watches from the bookstore... [le sigh]
Remember to enter the Philler Phun Phind phor Quad(Ph)est. As it stands now, the official start of the scavenger hunt will be at the Tuesday night movies at 6:30 and 8:15. Be sure to stop by and get your clue sheet from us then. You don't have to go to the movies, but they are fun, so go anyway if you have a couple extra bucks. We will also be wandering around the quad on Wednesday with extra sheets if you want to start then. We will also be judging the sand castle competition.
Attention all Philler Phan Club Members. We want to know what you look like. Find us anytime at QuadFest so that we can take your picture for our Philler Phan Club Foto wall. Become immoralized, I mean, immortalized on film...
Stay tuned for the final - ever - Philler - extraordinare - gala - spectacular - never - before - witnessed - by - human - eyes - except - once - article next week. Set your VCRs. Tapes will be available in the lobby after the show...
Actually, we just found out that this is the last article... Wow... Um... So much for that idea... Take care, folks. Bye.
Good night Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are...
Send your thoughts, observations, and questions to us at firstname.lastname@example.org...