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09/28/93 - Eggs and Hamsters - Who eats, and who gets eaten

Letter to the Editor: Ask not for whom the bell tolls...

02/08/94 - Strawberries and Whipped Cream - Why I get wet at WPI

02/15/94 - Pencils and Jello - What's Holding This Up?

02/22/94 - Oprah and Applesauce - And now a word from our fans

03/01/94 - Moats and Chicks - What's being served today?

03/29/94 - Lists and destiny - A smile without a cat

04/19/94 - Carbonless Paper and the Swiss Alps - The healthier alternative

04/26/94 - Toasted armadillos and the jon - How to balance the budget


08/30/94 - Coke Bottle Glasses and Chicken Little - Who's running the show?

09/07/94 - Blowup Dolls and Sharp Tacks - Closed for Remodeling

09/13/94 - Anchovies in the Petrolium Jelly - How did I get into this?

09/20/94 - Fog and the Dutch - Why am I muddy?

10/04/94 - Doughnuts and The Swamp Thing - What do you want on your Tombstone?

10/11/94 - Phone Calls and Blank Walls - Has Jack Frost been nipping at your... butt?

11/01/94 - Sabotage and Sodas - The Time has Come

11/08/94 - Ticket Stubs and Drinking - What's all the rush about?

11/15/94 - Flea Bites and Lounge Acts, Don't Touch That Dial

11/22/94 - Seagulls and Parking Lots - Do you really have to take this?

12/06/94 - Marching bands and pink balloons - You're getting verrrry sleepy...

12/13/94 - Merry Christmas or Seasons Greetings - Grab a PC and take off.

01/17/95 - Cartoons and Twinkies - Who's stuffing the ballot box?

01/24/95 - Feathers and Harbor Seals - What's that thing growing on your leg?!

01/31/95 - Four-wheelers and Telephone Poles - Who's been eating YOUR porridge?

02/07/95 - Fig Leaves and Pipe Cleaners - What are you doing in here?

02/21/95 - Cappuccino and Microchips - The Good Time Eating Place

02/28/95 - Dental Floss & Diaphragms - Trouble Brewing?

03/21/95 - Tangerines and Coffee Beans - Sleepless in New Jersey

03/28/95 - Top Hats and Hopscotch - Your one-stop bait and tackle store

04/04/95 - L. I. L. A. B. O. C. A. W. J. S. O. T. N. Y. F. I. T. W. B. T. Y. A. P. I. T. B. N. O. T. F. B. R. T. W. L. T. C. P. F. T. O. Y. W. F. T. S. Y. C. F. O. N. T. I. T. I. O. B. Y. F. T. O. Y. W. D. K. H. O. T. H. T. O. Y. V. C. R. W. I. H. U. A. A. S. . L. T. J. W. T. U. A. W. B. G. T. S. B. A. M. T. F. 1. I. O. M. S. A. O. T. L. T. W. A. W. T. D. T. H. O. W. R. W. L. Y. P. W. W. W. C. T. Y. A. O. T. D. A. A. V. E. R. O. Y. C. B. W. K. T. W. C. N. A. A. P. O. Y. H. Q. T. U. L. I. T. T. Y. G. S. O. Y. N. H. I. W. O. M. P. L. G. I. A. S. G. P. T. Y. N. T. Y. N. N. N. I. I. T. Y. U. L. G. B. T. T. A. T. R. A. L. B. O. A. W. H. A. A. N. W. W. H. A. R. A. A. R. C. A. C. N. W. C. A. P. P. C. A. N. P. P. C. M. A. W. E. I. L. N. R. C. C. H. H. A. W. W. A. T. T. S. I. T. W. R. R. R. W. Y. T. D. A. T. W. L. F. F. U. P. T. E. P. U. T. T. W. T. W. R. T. Y. N. R. P. T. W. Y. B. A. D. A. W. P. I. F. Y. B. F. M. S. D. E. O. Y. L. T. A. P. L. A. G. C. A. W. P. T. D. F. Y. F. C. O. S. D. D. F. C. S. A. F. N. J. D. S. K. T. E. A. S. W. O. S. S. D. A. E. W. T. P. C. W. U. W. G. A. F. T. O. R. A. B. Y. F. A. S. D. C. O. O. H. W. W. R. Y. T. Y. P. S. P. N. W. T. Y. - A new record

04/11/95 - Spandex and Harsh Abrasives - We don't do Windows

04/18/95 - Paper Bags and Sharp Sticks - What flavor would you like?

04/25/95 - Sponge Cake and Mrs. Butterworth - Some settling may occur during shipping


08/19/95 - Aardvarks and Toothpicks - Here's looking at you, kid.

08/29/95 - Pop Rocks and Oral Sex - Please watch your step

09/06/95 - Laserdisks and Fallen Angels - Who finished off the milk?!

09/12/95 - Cheez-Its and Deep Sea Fishing - Parrish the Thought

09/26/95 - Napkin Roses and Freckles - Nice guys read Dr. Seuss

10/03/95 - Laser Sights and Goats - Sorry, Worcester Joke...

10/10/95 - Cockroaches and Sack Fights - I'm sorry, my dentures must have slipped

10/31/95 - Paper Clips and Vegetarians - Do Whatever the Little Voices Tell You To Do

11/07/95 - Peanut Butter and Mel Tormei - Hey, Who Used All the Hot Water?!

11/14/95 - Hot Fudge and Cold Guns - Excuse me, there's a fly in my soup.

11/21/95 - Dairy Cows and a 6-Foot Threaded Rod - Kiss Me I'm Irish

12/05/95 - VCRs and Cannolies - Just point, click, and ship.

12/12/95 - Thick Socks and Bubble Baths - Sorry, Virginia...

01/16/96 - Shoehorns and a Pleasant Wedge - 'Nuff snow fer ya?

01/23/96 - Harsh Words and Sun Spots - The Gompei Chronicles

02/13/96 - Silly String and Lois Lane - Sounds Like a Title to Me

04/23/96 - Pickles and Pizza - No, no, no. He's just... pining...


04/22/97 - Natural Oils and Stolen Ideas - There's a Buddha on my Monitor


01/30/01 - Strained Peas and Intellectual Property - We Didn't Expect the Spanish Inquisition!

02/06/01 - Squirrels and Party Favors - Hey, babe, what's your sign?

02/13/01 - Charlie Sheen and Bean Paste - Anybody know what happened to the cat?

02/20/01 - Peaches and Spiny Chameleons - Did I leave the branding iron on?


Toasts and Shaving Cream - If you're the best man, why are you going stag?

09/04/01 - Boxers and Radishes - I want a standing ovation!

11/13/01 - Sardines and Diamondbacks - We agree to pause and rant

Sponge Cake and Mrs. Butterworth - Some settling may occur during shipping

by Laurel and Guinevere

T-1 article and counting... Good thing we have QuadFest to keep us amused 'till... Um... Let's check the mailbox:

Why is it that there are ashtrays attached to the walls at various places in Fuller Labs? It's a non-smoking building!

Oh...and what exactly does someone get when they join the Philler Fan Club?

Franklin P. Muckley, Jr.





[insert amusing anecdote involving ashtrays, rhesus monkeys, a rather sad clown, and a box of warm Rasinettes.]





Our next question comes from our buddy Dave. If you listened to our radio show last week, this is the same Dave who got his butt completely whipped playing Monopoly...

I've noticed [something] on campus today:

The tile in from of the desk at the library is the same tile behind Gompei's Function Room, near the Pathways office.


So, do you have a question for us, Dave? Don't try your luck at Jeopardy either, Dave, because you can't seem to phrase things in the form of a question...

We assume you wish to know why the tiles are the same. Well, there are two theories to this, and both of them may be true:

The first is that at one time, this campus consisted of one HUGE building. Through many years of decay and lack of upkeep by our beloved plant services, this structure eventually broke apart to form the various buildings you see today. Further evidence of this is suggested by the exterior similarities of Goddard and Daniels.

The other, and more believable story, involves a rift in the space half of the space-time continuum. Did you ever notice that Boynton Hall looks nothing like any of the other buildings around campus? Boynton Hall was not actually "built" on it's current site. It was originally a building on the Holy Cross campus brought here trough this rift. The local people in the area at the time believed that this was the start of a new college, and WPI was founded. (There is a plan proposed by the Trustees to brick-up Boynton to make it resemble the other structures on campus. However, a student coalition proposes to "brick-it up right" thereby sealing doors and windows as well as re-facing the rest of the building. For $100, you can get your name carved into any of these bricks.) Unfortunately, the rift is still active, and appears to be the reason behind the low percentage of females at WPI, and higher percentage at Holy Cross. To get back to your question, this is the reason the tile in front of the desk at the library is the same tile in the Riley Basement.

I appreciate the correction to my obviously erroneous observation about the lack of pavement on Boynton street. I will keep my eyes open for the dreaded W. S. D. F. C. D. G. O. T. T. H. A. O. O. T. B. H. W. A. P. D. O. T. S. W. I. N. W. B. I. I. H. A. N. B. ...the existence of said creatures explaining much about the way my driveway is paved...

So, do I get a cool Philler Phan Club Certificate now?

David K. Spencer

Yeah, you wrote to us. We used it in an article. Of course you get one. Easy, huh?

Say, here's a subject for your next article (or rather a question)...

Have you noticed that they put nice wrought - iron - looking - grate - thingies - over - the - new - trees - in - Salisbury - Plaza? (WILGTOTNTISP) They have already started to rust, and I don't mean a little. If this is where our money goes, I want my money back or new grates from that company! Sheesh, can't even get quality stuff for this school.

BTW, what's going to happen to Philler when you graduate? Oh, well...

Henry Gabryjelski

Obviously, the company made a common misinterpretation. Instead of "wrought iron," they thought we wanted "rot iron." This happens all the time. This is not to be confused with "ripped out iron," which is the kind used in the gate to Bancroft Tower.

As far as what will happen to us after graduation, we believe that the administration will contact us in regards to hanging a banner in Harrington idolizing us. There have also been rumors that we're going to get some neat-o gold plated digital watches from the bookstore... [le sigh]

Remember to enter the Philler Phun Phind phor Quad(Ph)est. As it stands now, the official start of the scavenger hunt will be at the Tuesday night movies at 6:30 and 8:15. Be sure to stop by and get your clue sheet from us then. You don't have to go to the movies, but they are fun, so go anyway if you have a couple extra bucks. We will also be wandering around the quad on Wednesday with extra sheets if you want to start then. We will also be judging the sand castle competition.

Attention all Philler Phan Club Members. We want to know what you look like. Find us anytime at QuadFest so that we can take your picture for our Philler Phan Club Foto wall. Become immoralized, I mean, immortalized on film...

Stay tuned for the final - ever - Philler - extraordinare - gala - spectacular - never - before - witnessed - by - human - eyes - except - once - article next week. Set your VCRs. Tapes will be available in the lobby after the show...

Actually, we just found out that this is the last article... Wow... Um... So much for that idea... Take care, folks. Bye.

Laurel (Troy Thompson)
& Guinevere (Nick Conti)

Good night Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are...

Send your thoughts, observations, and questions to us at