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Paper Clips and Vegetarians - Do Whatever the Little Voices Tell You To Do

by Laurel and Guinevere

Wow, a Halloween article. We haven't written one of these since... Nope, never wrote one before. We would think of something scary to write for this week's article, but we've agreed that delving that far into our mind would prove to be disconcerting.

Hope everyone had a productive, rather, unproductive, fall break... Unfortunately for us, being forcibly kicked out of this fine university (by virtue of foolishly completing all the requirements for graduation, not for anything that would detract from our spotless image), and having to be in the real world (sort of), we did not have the luxury of anything even remotely akin to a "break" to enjoy. [pause for severe bout of whining... and waiting for sympathy... waiting... waiting...] Ok, now that that's done, lets get down to business - no that's not a toast.

Speaking of breaks (wow, continuity!)...

Hi Laurel & Guinevere I've got a perplexing question for you. (Well it's not really that perplexing I'm just curious.) Why is it that our spring "recess" is held in the winter and not in the spring?? I was looking up the dates the other day and the break is from March 2-13th. Unless I'm just really confused, that's still winter... I think maybe we need to change the name of our break in March to something else... any ideas??

! Thanks for reading my letter and I hope that you can clear this matter up for me!

Jen Johnson '96

Dear Jen, please accept our most sincere apologies for the following:

Top 10 List of New and Greatly Improved Names for Spring Break
10. $90 air fare to Florida week
9. Philler Days
8. the "not even close to any other college's spring break" break
7. the "break, which, until so very recently, was cheerfully known as 'Spring Break,' but since Jen pointed out the inconsistency in its name, we've all become terribly confused about it now" break
6. the third break
5. the "weaker than a diseased polecat in a 15 gallon drum of curdled molasses trying to catch an unpeeled carrot" break
4. the "break!? - I was busy finishing my MQP!" break
3. the "totally un-PC, suspiciously close to a Christian holiday" break
2. the "any excuse to leave Worcester" break

and the Number One New and Greatly Improved Name for Spring Break:

O.J. Appreciation Week (that's orange juice, people - geesh!)

Whatever the name, this break is usually concluded with a return to sunny Worcester, and a rather ugly brawl involving annoyed pasty-white people beating up on those darned tan people. Just because we don't have any melanin, doesn't mean that... Oh. Sorry. Um, next letter!

Brian D. Pothier writes:

2 things I found interesting in my wanderings about this fine campus of ours, and they're both in Boynton Hall... The first is that WPI is lying. In fact, the lie is etched in stone so to speak.. Over the main entrance to Boynton, there is a sign that begins 'Free Institute'... someone should tell the accounting office about it, especially since it is practically right outside their office... The second is inside. Go down stairs and hang a right. Walk about 10 feet forward and look at the door on your right, and the sign next to it.. notice the arrow....


Brian, do you mean to tell us that we got our degrees from the wrong school!? We can't believe this! Four years, and no one told us! Just think of all the money that we spent, and how much more stuff we could have purchased had we only been going to the "Free Institute" instead of the painfully expensive one. Thanks for telling us, but couldn't you have noticed this a LITTLE BIT EARLIER! The loss in new CDs alone is almost more than we can bear! Somebody over in Boynton is going to hear about this... (The point you made about the "Financial Aid" sign pointing to the safe we already discussed in a previous article - get with the program, pal.)


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