VCRs and Cannolies - Just point, click, and ship.

It's finally starting to become winter around WPI. We've had a few inches of snow, had it melt, got some more snow, had it melt. For people new to the area, get used to it. Mother Nature gets confused for several months every year in Massachusetts, and no matter how much you try to straighten her out, she'll never learn. Just tell yourself it will be spring again soon.

Unfortunately it's cold now too, and as every good engineer knows, most things (except water of course) shrink when they get colder. You all know about shrinkage, right? For all of those new wave non-engineers on campus, ask your friends or just trust us on this one. This brings us to a hypothesis about a new change around campus. If anyone has been in Fuller Labs lately, you will see the cold weather has taken it's toll on the CCC. By the time you read this, all of the computers there dedicated to that... um... one of a kind movie may have shrunk considerably. Take a look for yourself.

Note: Before all you computer science majors try hanging your computers out the dorm windows at night trying to make you current system into a laptop, or microwaving your monitors to get a twenty-one incher... there's something you should know. Get a clue, itıs just a jo... I mean, um...

You have to heat them evenly... Yeah... So keep those microwaves at a low setting for long periods of time. Yeah... Oh, and since we all know that microwaves are illegal in the dorms, if you live on-campus, you'll have to find someone who doesn't live in a dorm to microwave it for you...

Oh, and if you're trying to make your computer smaller, the colder the better right? Be sure to leave your computers out on the sidewalk in front of your place before you go to bed at night. In fact, if you do it enough times, your computer will get so small, you may not even be able to find it in the morning... Wouldn't that be wicked cool?... That would be really small, huh? Make typing really difficult, but who cares, it would look neat... Try it out tonight.

We also got a rather disturbing letter from Edward John Cameron Jr.:

Dear L & G,

Can we check out weapons from Campus Police? The reason I ask is that the Police Log for Nov. 10 says that a weapon was given to a student at 7:04 pm and then returned to the evidence room at 10:09 pm. If we can borrow weapons from the evidence room I would like a Smith and Wesson........................

Well, Ed, we don't read Newspeak, so we'll have to take your word for this one. Besides, we feel we should agree and pay very close attention to anyone nonchalantly requesting Smith and Wesson's after asking us a question.

Actually, we're surprised that the campus police let those two entries slide through the incredible censoring job they give Newspeak each week. If they admit to it, I guess we'll admit to it. Yes, campus police lend out, among other things, various weapons to students. On a good night, you can find some really interesting stuff in the evidence room which is open to the taking. Once, we found a benzene reinforced rubber chicken (don't laugh, it works) that had been confiscated from the XXX XXX XXX house on XXXXXXXX street after the neighbors had complained of "intriguing screaming noises." Of course, with everything else on campus, you have to leave your student ID at the station whenever you check something out. But as long as you bring the item back in reasonable condition, there isn't any fee for this service. Remember, folks, it's your tuition money, so make the most of it.

We would also like to express our admiration for the human puppet at Gompei's last Wednesday for being such a good sport. Anyone who has the patience to put up with that, deserves the extra little embarrassment of being mentioned in a Philler article.

The quote of the week is from our idol, Harry S. Truman, who reminds us:

If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

Send your thoughts, observations, and questions to us at philler@philler.com...