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09/28/93 - Eggs and Hamsters - Who eats, and who gets eaten

Letter to the Editor: Ask not for whom the bell tolls...

02/08/94 - Strawberries and Whipped Cream - Why I get wet at WPI

02/15/94 - Pencils and Jello - What's Holding This Up?

02/22/94 - Oprah and Applesauce - And now a word from our fans

03/01/94 - Moats and Chicks - What's being served today?

03/29/94 - Lists and destiny - A smile without a cat

04/19/94 - Carbonless Paper and the Swiss Alps - The healthier alternative

04/26/94 - Toasted armadillos and the jon - How to balance the budget


08/30/94 - Coke Bottle Glasses and Chicken Little - Who's running the show?

09/07/94 - Blowup Dolls and Sharp Tacks - Closed for Remodeling

09/13/94 - Anchovies in the Petrolium Jelly - How did I get into this?

09/20/94 - Fog and the Dutch - Why am I muddy?

10/04/94 - Doughnuts and The Swamp Thing - What do you want on your Tombstone?

10/11/94 - Phone Calls and Blank Walls - Has Jack Frost been nipping at your... butt?

11/01/94 - Sabotage and Sodas - The Time has Come

11/08/94 - Ticket Stubs and Drinking - What's all the rush about?

11/15/94 - Flea Bites and Lounge Acts, Don't Touch That Dial

11/22/94 - Seagulls and Parking Lots - Do you really have to take this?

12/06/94 - Marching bands and pink balloons - You're getting verrrry sleepy...

12/13/94 - Merry Christmas or Seasons Greetings - Grab a PC and take off.

01/17/95 - Cartoons and Twinkies - Who's stuffing the ballot box?

01/24/95 - Feathers and Harbor Seals - What's that thing growing on your leg?!

01/31/95 - Four-wheelers and Telephone Poles - Who's been eating YOUR porridge?

02/07/95 - Fig Leaves and Pipe Cleaners - What are you doing in here?

02/21/95 - Cappuccino and Microchips - The Good Time Eating Place

02/28/95 - Dental Floss & Diaphragms - Trouble Brewing?

03/21/95 - Tangerines and Coffee Beans - Sleepless in New Jersey

03/28/95 - Top Hats and Hopscotch - Your one-stop bait and tackle store

04/04/95 - L. I. L. A. B. O. C. A. W. J. S. O. T. N. Y. F. I. T. W. B. T. Y. A. P. I. T. B. N. O. T. F. B. R. T. W. L. T. C. P. F. T. O. Y. W. F. T. S. Y. C. F. O. N. T. I. T. I. O. B. Y. F. T. O. Y. W. D. K. H. O. T. H. T. O. Y. V. C. R. W. I. H. U. A. A. S. . L. T. J. W. T. U. A. W. B. G. T. S. B. A. M. T. F. 1. I. O. M. S. A. O. T. L. T. W. A. W. T. D. T. H. O. W. R. W. L. Y. P. W. W. W. C. T. Y. A. O. T. D. A. A. V. E. R. O. Y. C. B. W. K. T. W. C. N. A. A. P. O. Y. H. Q. T. U. L. I. T. T. Y. G. S. O. Y. N. H. I. W. O. M. P. L. G. I. A. S. G. P. T. Y. N. T. Y. N. N. N. I. I. T. Y. U. L. G. B. T. T. A. T. R. A. L. B. O. A. W. H. A. A. N. W. W. H. A. R. A. A. R. C. A. C. N. W. C. A. P. P. C. A. N. P. P. C. M. A. W. E. I. L. N. R. C. C. H. H. A. W. W. A. T. T. S. I. T. W. R. R. R. W. Y. T. D. A. T. W. L. F. F. U. P. T. E. P. U. T. T. W. T. W. R. T. Y. N. R. P. T. W. Y. B. A. D. A. W. P. I. F. Y. B. F. M. S. D. E. O. Y. L. T. A. P. L. A. G. C. A. W. P. T. D. F. Y. F. C. O. S. D. D. F. C. S. A. F. N. J. D. S. K. T. E. A. S. W. O. S. S. D. A. E. W. T. P. C. W. U. W. G. A. F. T. O. R. A. B. Y. F. A. S. D. C. O. O. H. W. W. R. Y. T. Y. P. S. P. N. W. T. Y. - A new record

04/11/95 - Spandex and Harsh Abrasives - We don't do Windows

04/18/95 - Paper Bags and Sharp Sticks - What flavor would you like?

04/25/95 - Sponge Cake and Mrs. Butterworth - Some settling may occur during shipping


08/19/95 - Aardvarks and Toothpicks - Here's looking at you, kid.

08/29/95 - Pop Rocks and Oral Sex - Please watch your step

09/06/95 - Laserdisks and Fallen Angels - Who finished off the milk?!

09/12/95 - Cheez-Its and Deep Sea Fishing - Parrish the Thought

09/26/95 - Napkin Roses and Freckles - Nice guys read Dr. Seuss

10/03/95 - Laser Sights and Goats - Sorry, Worcester Joke...

10/10/95 - Cockroaches and Sack Fights - I'm sorry, my dentures must have slipped

10/31/95 - Paper Clips and Vegetarians - Do Whatever the Little Voices Tell You To Do

11/07/95 - Peanut Butter and Mel Tormei - Hey, Who Used All the Hot Water?!

11/14/95 - Hot Fudge and Cold Guns - Excuse me, there's a fly in my soup.

11/21/95 - Dairy Cows and a 6-Foot Threaded Rod - Kiss Me I'm Irish

12/05/95 - VCRs and Cannolies - Just point, click, and ship.

12/12/95 - Thick Socks and Bubble Baths - Sorry, Virginia...

01/16/96 - Shoehorns and a Pleasant Wedge - 'Nuff snow fer ya?

01/23/96 - Harsh Words and Sun Spots - The Gompei Chronicles

02/13/96 - Silly String and Lois Lane - Sounds Like a Title to Me

04/23/96 - Pickles and Pizza - No, no, no. He's just... pining...


04/22/97 - Natural Oils and Stolen Ideas - There's a Buddha on my Monitor


01/30/01 - Strained Peas and Intellectual Property - We Didn't Expect the Spanish Inquisition!

02/06/01 - Squirrels and Party Favors - Hey, babe, what's your sign?

02/13/01 - Charlie Sheen and Bean Paste - Anybody know what happened to the cat?

02/20/01 - Peaches and Spiny Chameleons - Did I leave the branding iron on?


Toasts and Shaving Cream - If you're the best man, why are you going stag?

09/04/01 - Boxers and Radishes - I want a standing ovation!

11/13/01 - Sardines and Diamondbacks - We agree to pause and rant

VCRs and Cannolies - Just point, click, and ship.

by Laurel and Guinevere

Well, over a week has passed since Thanksgiving. Anybody still eating turkey? Guin, being a vegetarian, seems to have an advantage of getting out of eating leftovers. If anyone has any creative turkey recipe stories, please feel free to share...

It's finally starting to become winter around WPI. We've had a few inches of snow, had it melt, got some more snow, had it melt. For people new to the area, get used to it. Mother Nature gets confused for several months every year in Massachusetts, and no matter how much you try to straighten her out, she'll never learn. Just tell yourself it will be spring again soon.

Unfortunately it's cold now too, and as every good engineer knows, most things (except water of course) shrink when they get colder. You all know about shrinkage, right? For all of those new wave non-engineers on campus, ask your friends or just trust us on this one. This brings us to a hypothesis about a new change around campus. If anyone has been in Fuller Labs lately, you will see the cold weather has taken it's toll on the CCC. By the time you read this, all of the computers there dedicated to that... um... one of a kind movie may have shrunk considerably. Take a look for yourself.

Note: Before all you computer science majors try hanging your computers out the dorm windows at night trying to make you current system into a laptop, or microwaving your monitors to get a twenty-one incher... there's something you should know. Get a clue, itıs just a jo... I mean, um...

You have to heat them evenly... Yeah... So keep those microwaves at a low setting for long periods of time. Yeah... Oh, and since we all know that microwaves are illegal in the dorms, if you live on-campus, you'll have to find someone who doesn't live in a dorm to microwave it for you...

Oh, and if you're trying to make your computer smaller, the colder the better right? Be sure to leave your computers out on the sidewalk in front of your place before you go to bed at night. In fact, if you do it enough times, your computer will get so small, you may not even be able to find it in the morning... Wouldn't that be wicked cool?... That would be really small, huh? Make typing really difficult, but who cares, it would look neat... Try it out tonight.

We also got a rather disturbing letter from Edward John Cameron Jr.:

Dear L & G,

Can we check out weapons from Campus Police? The reason I ask is that the Police Log for Nov. 10 says that a weapon was given to a student at 7:04 pm and then returned to the evidence room at 10:09 pm. If we can borrow weapons from the evidence room I would like a Smith and Wesson........................

Well, Ed, we don't read Newspeak, so we'll have to take your word for this one. Besides, we feel we should agree and pay very close attention to anyone nonchalantly requesting Smith and Wesson's after asking us a question.

Actually, we're surprised that the campus police let those two entries slide through the incredible censoring job they give Newspeak each week. If they admit to it, I guess we'll admit to it. Yes, campus police lend out, among other things, various weapons to students. On a good night, you can find some really interesting stuff in the evidence room which is open to the taking. Once, we found a benzene reinforced rubber chicken (don't laugh, it works) that had been confiscated from the XXX XXX XXX house on XXXXXXXX street after the neighbors had complained of "intriguing screaming noises." Of course, with everything else on campus, you have to leave your student ID at the station whenever you check something out. But as long as you bring the item back in reasonable condition, there isn't any fee for this service. Remember, folks, it's your tuition money, so make the most of it.

We would also like to express our admiration for the human puppet at Gompei's last Wednesday for being such a good sport. Anyone who has the patience to put up with that, deserves the extra little embarrassment of being mentioned in a Philler article.

The quote of the week is from our idol, Harry S. Truman, who reminds us:

If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

Send your thoughts, observations, and questions to us at