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09/28/93 - Eggs and Hamsters - Who eats, and who gets eaten

Letter to the Editor: Ask not for whom the bell tolls...

02/08/94 - Strawberries and Whipped Cream - Why I get wet at WPI

02/15/94 - Pencils and Jello - What's Holding This Up?

02/22/94 - Oprah and Applesauce - And now a word from our fans

03/01/94 - Moats and Chicks - What's being served today?

03/29/94 - Lists and destiny - A smile without a cat

04/19/94 - Carbonless Paper and the Swiss Alps - The healthier alternative

04/26/94 - Toasted armadillos and the jon - How to balance the budget


08/30/94 - Coke Bottle Glasses and Chicken Little - Who's running the show?

09/07/94 - Blowup Dolls and Sharp Tacks - Closed for Remodeling

09/13/94 - Anchovies in the Petrolium Jelly - How did I get into this?

09/20/94 - Fog and the Dutch - Why am I muddy?

10/04/94 - Doughnuts and The Swamp Thing - What do you want on your Tombstone?

10/11/94 - Phone Calls and Blank Walls - Has Jack Frost been nipping at your... butt?

11/01/94 - Sabotage and Sodas - The Time has Come

11/08/94 - Ticket Stubs and Drinking - What's all the rush about?

11/15/94 - Flea Bites and Lounge Acts, Don't Touch That Dial

11/22/94 - Seagulls and Parking Lots - Do you really have to take this?

12/06/94 - Marching bands and pink balloons - You're getting verrrry sleepy...

12/13/94 - Merry Christmas or Seasons Greetings - Grab a PC and take off.

01/17/95 - Cartoons and Twinkies - Who's stuffing the ballot box?

01/24/95 - Feathers and Harbor Seals - What's that thing growing on your leg?!

01/31/95 - Four-wheelers and Telephone Poles - Who's been eating YOUR porridge?

02/07/95 - Fig Leaves and Pipe Cleaners - What are you doing in here?

02/21/95 - Cappuccino and Microchips - The Good Time Eating Place

02/28/95 - Dental Floss & Diaphragms - Trouble Brewing?

03/21/95 - Tangerines and Coffee Beans - Sleepless in New Jersey

03/28/95 - Top Hats and Hopscotch - Your one-stop bait and tackle store

04/04/95 - L. I. L. A. B. O. C. A. W. J. S. O. T. N. Y. F. I. T. W. B. T. Y. A. P. I. T. B. N. O. T. F. B. R. T. W. L. T. C. P. F. T. O. Y. W. F. T. S. Y. C. F. O. N. T. I. T. I. O. B. Y. F. T. O. Y. W. D. K. H. O. T. H. T. O. Y. V. C. R. W. I. H. U. A. A. S. . L. T. J. W. T. U. A. W. B. G. T. S. B. A. M. T. F. 1. I. O. M. S. A. O. T. L. T. W. A. W. T. D. T. H. O. W. R. W. L. Y. P. W. W. W. C. T. Y. A. O. T. D. A. A. V. E. R. O. Y. C. B. W. K. T. W. C. N. A. A. P. O. Y. H. Q. T. U. L. I. T. T. Y. G. S. O. Y. N. H. I. W. O. M. P. L. G. I. A. S. G. P. T. Y. N. T. Y. N. N. N. I. I. T. Y. U. L. G. B. T. T. A. T. R. A. L. B. O. A. W. H. A. A. N. W. W. H. A. R. A. A. R. C. A. C. N. W. C. A. P. P. C. A. N. P. P. C. M. A. W. E. I. L. N. R. C. C. H. H. A. W. W. A. T. T. S. I. T. W. R. R. R. W. Y. T. D. A. T. W. L. F. F. U. P. T. E. P. U. T. T. W. T. W. R. T. Y. N. R. P. T. W. Y. B. A. D. A. W. P. I. F. Y. B. F. M. S. D. E. O. Y. L. T. A. P. L. A. G. C. A. W. P. T. D. F. Y. F. C. O. S. D. D. F. C. S. A. F. N. J. D. S. K. T. E. A. S. W. O. S. S. D. A. E. W. T. P. C. W. U. W. G. A. F. T. O. R. A. B. Y. F. A. S. D. C. O. O. H. W. W. R. Y. T. Y. P. S. P. N. W. T. Y. - A new record

04/11/95 - Spandex and Harsh Abrasives - We don't do Windows

04/18/95 - Paper Bags and Sharp Sticks - What flavor would you like?

04/25/95 - Sponge Cake and Mrs. Butterworth - Some settling may occur during shipping


08/19/95 - Aardvarks and Toothpicks - Here's looking at you, kid.

08/29/95 - Pop Rocks and Oral Sex - Please watch your step

09/06/95 - Laserdisks and Fallen Angels - Who finished off the milk?!

09/12/95 - Cheez-Its and Deep Sea Fishing - Parrish the Thought

09/26/95 - Napkin Roses and Freckles - Nice guys read Dr. Seuss

10/03/95 - Laser Sights and Goats - Sorry, Worcester Joke...

10/10/95 - Cockroaches and Sack Fights - I'm sorry, my dentures must have slipped

10/31/95 - Paper Clips and Vegetarians - Do Whatever the Little Voices Tell You To Do

11/07/95 - Peanut Butter and Mel Tormei - Hey, Who Used All the Hot Water?!

11/14/95 - Hot Fudge and Cold Guns - Excuse me, there's a fly in my soup.

11/21/95 - Dairy Cows and a 6-Foot Threaded Rod - Kiss Me I'm Irish

12/05/95 - VCRs and Cannolies - Just point, click, and ship.

12/12/95 - Thick Socks and Bubble Baths - Sorry, Virginia...

01/16/96 - Shoehorns and a Pleasant Wedge - 'Nuff snow fer ya?

01/23/96 - Harsh Words and Sun Spots - The Gompei Chronicles

02/13/96 - Silly String and Lois Lane - Sounds Like a Title to Me

04/23/96 - Pickles and Pizza - No, no, no. He's just... pining...


04/22/97 - Natural Oils and Stolen Ideas - There's a Buddha on my Monitor


01/30/01 - Strained Peas and Intellectual Property - We Didn't Expect the Spanish Inquisition!

02/06/01 - Squirrels and Party Favors - Hey, babe, what's your sign?

02/13/01 - Charlie Sheen and Bean Paste - Anybody know what happened to the cat?

02/20/01 - Peaches and Spiny Chameleons - Did I leave the branding iron on?


Toasts and Shaving Cream - If you're the best man, why are you going stag?

09/04/01 - Boxers and Radishes - I want a standing ovation!

11/13/01 - Sardines and Diamondbacks - We agree to pause and rant

Doughnuts and The Swamp Thing - What do you want on your Tombstone?

by Laurel and Guinevere

What to write, what to write... We can't think of anything to write this week... This is so lame... Wish we could write like Lens and Lights... sigh.

Ha, just kidding. It was kind of amuzing to open the paper and happen across that club corner. Sniff, it's always nice to know that we have phans... Our guess is that Amy Plack wrote that one, but we're sick of plugging her in our articles, so end of story.

Anyhow, Disturbing-Thought-For -The-Day (DTFTD): Go into DAKA's "The Grill," and look at their new hanging signs. Their marketing strategy seems to be rather disturbing, if not down right gross. They have this sign that innocently says "the grill" on it, accompanied by a very nice graphic. Whereas larger companies, at least those with money for a real ad campaign such as Burger King, accompany the image of "grilling" with flame broiled, juicy hamburgers, DAKA seems to have taken the wrong definition from Webster's Complete and Unabridged Dictionary, somehow connecting the image of the front end of an automobile with their cooking style. Apparently they have committed the ultimate marketing sin: they told the hideous truth. Could this be some sort of Freudian slip? A sick joke? A bizarre, real-life reference to Roadkill Cafe? Could this in any way, even in the cosmic sense, be good for business? Some where, out there, there is a mildly rich graphic artist laughing his or her buttocks off in the Bahamas.

[NOTE: Although we really like comments from other people, especially devoted phans and "avid readers," enough with the squirrels. I mean, they're cute and all, but they aren't THAT exciting - not enough for three, count them, three consecutive issues. We actually have yet another letter from someone about the little critters, but we ain't a gonna print it... no offence to the author, but we'll wait to use it when we need filler for our Philler.]

Usually when we write this column, we just go over the things that happened to us in the past week, and report them as is - yes, our lives are that surreal. Laurel just laughed at that, but it's true. This week, however, was just sooo screwed up, that nothing truly stands out... at least not anything we are willing to tell.

Um, how about... nyah... that's not a good idea. You sickos might actually try that one... We may just have a fun experiment for all of you next week, if all goes well, but no guarantees. Here's a hint: it may result in legal actions against an on-campus business, but no more than that for now... (Ooo, this is almost as exciting as that "Al Capone's vault" thing...)

Comfy chairs are nice.

Ahhh, running out of ideas... which means it's time for a top ten list.

Top Ten Signs that You're Running out of Ideas:

  • 10. You say "um" a lot.
  • 9. You worry that you're too stressed out and may be going sane.
  • 8. Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes.
  • 7. You giggle a lot, unfortunately for no specific reason.
  • 6. You wait patiently for DAKA time, so you can have something to do.
  • 5. You attempt to call in sick, but realize too late that you don't have a job.
  • 4. Things that really don't make sense, start to.
  • 3. You make top ten lists to disguise all of the above.
  • 2. You can't even think of ten things to fill the darn list.

Great, we're still stuck with little in our brains to write about. How about more silly things around campus... yeah, we haven't fully exhausted that one yet. If the door from the Gompeii's function room to the Riley stairwell is supposed to be kept closed at all times, since it just happens to be alarmed, why does it get propped open so often? We're not complaining, since, personally, we don't care, but it's just a thing we noticed... imagine that.

What are those odd looking metal things, other wise known as sculptures? It doesn't take a lot of hunting around (unlike some of our previous "go and find this thing" messages), just walk to the library, or the front of Fuller. We're not sure what they are supposed to symbolize, but odds are that they cost a lot of money. They're just big rusty pieces of metal stuck in the ground, and called "art." Don't get us wrong, they're neat, but just really obscure, and we can't seem to figure out how they relate to "The WPI Plan."

As usual, we have a few theories on this...

First of all, the one near the library, which will henceforth be known as Steve Sculpture, resembles many things. (If you have an incredible imagination, that is...) It's basically three things sticking out of a center thing. They aren't symmetrical, so that must mean something there... It kinda looks like a whale tail (say that out loud, it sounds cool, doesn't it?) but that wouldn't explain the top thingie unless it's like a punk whale or something. It also could be a propeller, albeit a very lopsided one. It was probably a poor prototype designed by a WPI Aerodynamics engineer; or possibly a good one with a really cool purpose, but which has long since been forgotten...

The other one we will call Amy Artwork. (My, isn't this getting cheezy.) At first glance, it appears to be a wind deflector for the small tree hiding behind it. While this seems to make sense, it doesn't because the sculpture is much older than the tree, so there. It could also be a skateboard ramp, the horns of the devil, the metal wings of some gigantic prehistoric bird who has it's head buried somewhere close to the basement of Kaven, or many other things which have not been as carefully researched as these were. Careful research is the hallmark of a great scientist.

If anyone knows which of our theories is correct, or wants to take the time to find out what they heck they are supposed to be, feel free to tell us, 'cuz we'd like that little bit o' info before we graduate.

And now for A List Of Things That Are Kind Of Unusual, But Not Totally Earth Shattering, So We Just Put Them In A List, Instead Of Carefully Exploring Them (A. L. O. T. T. A. K. O. U. B. N. T. E. S. S. W. J. P. T. I. A. L. I. O. C. E. T.): [Note: 27 letters, count 'em, 27... Stay tuned to further issues of Philler for more Guiness-esk acronyms.]

  1. Why are all the street light-type things around campus different styles? We have everything from floodlights to antique style hanging lamps.
  2. Freeman Plaza looks neat, but why did they not level the ground first? It must have been caused by unexpected amounts of wires and such buried in the ground under the site.
  3. What's the scaffolding for on the side of Daniels Hall? Don't the workers know that there is a stairway inside the building? Maybe they are going to put on an inner-city motif production of Romeo and Juliet. They have the scaffolding ready for the balcony scene...
  4. Where are the spruces? The plaque on the front steps of Riley Hall specifically dedicate "these spruces," and we want to know where they are.
Ok, new topic: the fountain that should soon (read 1997) be built in Freeman Plaza. Picture it - concrete, bricks, lots of them. Rocks, huge ones. Water, the nectar of the... plants, cascading down the chiseled body of... Jon Strauss. No, really. Think of what a great body he has. We all saw it in Newspeak's April Fools edition two years ago, and we're sure that it has been proved since then... (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). Now, some of you are thinking that it would be awful, but you're just not considering all the great works of art in Europe. Nudes are fine... especially for important public figures, such as our beloved, if ex, president. Picture Michaelangelo's David, 'cept with Jonny Boy's head. I mean... uh. What Laurel? Yeah, I know that I am not supposed to type this all by myself, especially when you just stepped out for a minute... hey! Let go... oompf!


Gee, sorrrr-ry. Here I am trying to get this silly community to think in higher terms, such as art and beauty, but nooooo, SHE has to come along and be a ... oompf! (Here we go again.)


I think that the fountain in Freeman Plaza should represent eternal struggle between engineering, science, and those stupid people that we have to make things for. No, no, no, no. That's not it at all. Something simple, yet common; easily understandable, yet with a deep and unmistakable meaning. Something complex... Dammit, it should be the Provost's head on the statue of David... (I was close. - Guinevere) That would be appropriate. And tasteful. End of discussion.

Hey, wait a minute. I've got a better idea. It should be a fountain that represents the real nature of this institution. Something truthful, insightful, and ingeniously fitted to this society. How 'bout The Philler Phountain? Yeah, that would be best.

Send your thoughts, observations, and questions to us at