Oprah and Applesauce - And now a word from our fans
by Laurel and Guinevere
Well, it's that time of the week again. That's right, about five minutes before Newspeak is sent to the printers... When Newspeak doesn't have enough articles, they need more Philler. Did ya notice we've been in here for three weeks in a row now? Please write more articles, WPI isn't bizarre enough to keep this up until we graduate! I mean, last week, we actually had an article longer than a typical Megazone spot! Luckily, we have the WPI community to help us out. These kind souls have given us insight to their keen sense of... um... They pointed some stuff out to us.
Christine Jesensky writes:
You know those pillars in front of fuller labs (the door facing Salisbury)? knock on them. they're plastic.
It's true. Those tall, seemingly stone columns are merely oversized drinking straws. Just something to think about next time you're in one of those study rooms, eh?
Jeffrey Montigney writes:
I think I am the first to discover this-- On the school shield and logo at the fitness center, verify that the words lehr und kunst are spelled lehr und kuns, the t is missing from kunst!! cool.
Well, we went over to the Fitness Center, and he was right. The 't' was missing, creating a most incomprehensible phrase. Possibly, the 't' was stolen, or misplaced at some point, and WPI, in their typical fashion, fudged the repair. Not very surprising.
Nick Conti writes:
I know that you girls(?) like to hear about weird stuff, so I am going to tell you about something I did in my Freshman year. I was living in Morgan Hall, home of the most modular furniture in the world. I had been moving my room around at least three times a term, when the idea happened upon me: why not put my bed in the closet? Well, the idea seemed like a good one, so my roommate and I spent the next hour taking apart my closet (removing the shelf and the bar), laying it down on its back on the floor, and stuffing the mattress inside. It mostly fits, except for a bit that curls up at the end, and provides a great conversation piece. I actually got a couple other people on the floor to try it, too. (Remember, WPI does not condone students taking apart their furniture, but I do). Try it, its fun.
P.S. Remember to take one of the handles off and put it on the inside, so that no one can lock you in your bed/coffin. Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. Take your now unused bed frame, turn it upright on its end, and use it as a closet, by duct taping the closet clothes-bar across the legs of the bed. If you have no clue what I am talking about, but are interested, email me at email@example.com. Enjoy!
And we thought we were sick...
For the next portion of our show, we will enlighten you with (another) list of weird and stupid things around campus. This is the part that you can blame us for, cuz we thought of this stuff...
We understand why Plant Services cut back the bushes by the library steps, but why did they leave the stumps? I guess they were just trying to stop tall muggers, leaving a nice hide-out for the short ones. WPI: Land of Opportunities.
Is it a coincidence that only the dorms down the hill, i.e. Founders and Institute, have student-usable elevators? (For more information on the Daniels elevator, see last week's Philler). One reason that we came up with for this is that, as all you techies know, gravity is stronger the closer one gets to the center of the planet. Therefore, it is out of kindness to the students suffering in the lower recesses of campus that they are allowed to use the elevators to combat the increased gravitational difficulties in climbing stairs. (It seems to us that our imagination has far outrun our technical ability).
Why does the year wrap around to the back cover of the student directory? Maybe it has something to do with the way the school still thinks we are in the previous millennium Or, maybe it is just a formatting problem. Hmmm, must have been done on an IBM...
Why did we not get yesterday off? Everybody else in the entire universe gets all these holidays off, except us. What did we do to deserve this?
Who or what is depicted on the Riley Hall statue? It kinda looks like a person in a hard hat, but we are not sure. Maybe it is one of the construction workers. (Or, more accurately, a statue of one of the workers, as they were probably bigger than nine inches tall...) If anyone knows, please tell us, cuz we ain't sure, and we're wicked curious...
If a small child ever asks you where bricks come from, you may be hard pressed to provide an answer that does not confuse the little tyke. Here is something that will help: Take the child to Higgins lower lawn, to the tree with the wire holding up that big, overhanging branch. If you look down at the trunk where it meets the ground, you will see an opening in the bark, inside of which there are quite the few bricks. The only explanation for this phenomenon is that WPI is the most unique place on the face of the Earth - the place where bricks grow from trees. This is just one more reason why they should not be allowed to turn it into a parking lot...
Did you notice that sometimes, although not often, we have a moral message to our weirdness...?
Well, that seems to be all for this week. I hope we have touched you with a little bit of our strangitude. Thanks again for the ideas, and keep the letters and comments coming to firstname.lastname@example.org c/o Philler, and we will provide you with bizarre bits of useless information for weeks to come. Hmmm. Maybe a "Philler" T-shirt could be given away in the future. We'll give you the details sooner, or later. More likely later. Bye for now...
Send your thoughts, observations, and questions to us at email@example.com...