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Napkin Roses and Freckles - Nice guys read Dr. Seuss


by Laurel and Guinevere

Well folks, it's that time of the year again. That's right, the last Philler of September. As everyone knows, in this particular issue, we write about the same types of things that we normally do. For those of you keeping score at home, we aren't eating anything while writing this article.

When WPI wants to block a road, they block a road. Long thick chains stretched across the road denying access to any vehicle (unless they have the key). Chains held in place with four massive pillars cemented in place. Pillars made of granite, that strong stone which they make tombstones out of because it lasts forever. (You know, they should make mountains out of that stuff because... Oh... Really? Oh... Scratch that.) That same kind of stone that lasted a couple of weeks on the WPI campus before one of the pillars crumbled... That same kind of stone and steel barricade which had a section replaced by a whole bunch of those quick and dirty yellow wood barricades faster than a cheetah being chased by eleven crazed chipmunks. Another one of those ominous granite barricades has now been set to replace the short lived crumbly one. We wish it luck.

Speaking of crazed chipmunks, has anyone else noticed the abundance of wildlife on the stretch of land we like to call campus? Sure, there is the ominously large squirrel population which has been common in recent years, but other furry friends/fiends are making their way to WPI. It's becoming frighteningly common for people wandering around campus late at night to see the resident skunk. No, no, no, a real skunk. Like Pepé, 'cept no one's reported hearing him speak French yet... Laurel's seen him several times wandering in front of Higgins. There has also been a red-tailed hawk flying in front of Boynton, a raccoon around Skull Tomb, and of course Riley bugs.

(yet another) PHILLER CONTEST!

It's easy: Send in your vote for a name to bestow upon our resident skunk. Obviously, whatever name we like best will be picked. We're sick of the traditional random-choice-out-of-a-hat thingy...

Is Plant Services releasing wildlife around campus to make the atmosphere more "enjoyable?" Have these animals escaped from a music lab on campus somewhere? What's the sound of one hand slapping? We don't know! (DAKA staff can breathe a sigh of relief here. We aren't going to pick on you in this segment.) If anyone knows of purposeful wildlife population on campus (holding back strong urge to make tacky comment here) please write to us here at Philler.

Hi. Just a little something I thought you guys might be interested in. I was in the ADP lab the other day, using the machine named Cyclops. As I was typing, I looked down and noticed that the keyboard had two Js, but no U. Luckily, I know how to type, so I avoided looking at the keyboard and becoming confused. But, for someone who does not know how to type, this could be a potential catastrophe. Is this some kind of conspiracy against non-typers? Hopefully you two can get to the bottom of this!

Sincerely,

A Concerned Lab User

Well, our staff (read "us") ventured into the basement level of Fuller Labs to seek out this... Cyclops; this... menace to beginning typers; this... keyboard.

We're sorry to say, we're sad to report, there was no keyboard at all of this sort.
Not with two J's, not with no U, what kind of person to tease us are you?
Cyclops with two I's, that would have been fun, but like all the rest, this only had one.
F4 key was gone, a blank in its place. It was a bit small, but not a disgrace.
It must have been fixed, in response we did slack, they added a U, or else put it back.
Your note was still fine, our search not in vain, there was one thing there, that did entertain.
One for beginners, was found in the rear, the keys were in order, it looked rather queer.
Not QWERTY it read - the first row with pride, but alphabetically they were, we swear bona fide.
So we thank you again, and always remember, you're part of the Phan Club - a certified member.

[At this point, Guinevere shakes Laurel violently until he snaps out of rhyming mode.]

We here at Philler don't often openly endorse... Well, we guess we do. (Housing lottery, sand castle building contest at QuadFest, our former radio show, pygmy marmoset jello wrestling, etc.) What we're trying to endorse here without getting in trouble for rampant commercialism, is Friday night's speaker: James Burke. This guy is the coolest thing since microwave hair-styles. We watch his show on cable, Connections^2, where he makes the most obscure and frightening connections between seemingly disparate bits o' history. But don't take our really poor explanation for it - grab some free tickets from the SocComm office and be there! You won't regret it. (Well, maybe if you get hit by a speeding pickled cow on the way over there. Then if you regret it, it's ok. Don't blame us, though. Consider this your warning...)

'K, bye.

Quote for the week: A Freudian slip is where you say one thing, and mean your mother. I mean, another.


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