Philler HomeArticlesPhanClubLettersToolsStoreHistory

Dental Floss & Diaphragms - Trouble Brewing?


by Laurel and Guinevere

Hello. You have reached... Philler... by sending e-mail to newspeak@wpi.edu... writing to us at box 2700... or visiting our web page... Laurel and Guinevere... are not here... right now... but if you leave... your name and number... and your question... at the beep... you will receive an answer... in our column... as soon... as is humanly possible...

[BEEP]

Laurel & Guinevere-

Oh my Phavorite Phriday (Ph)morning entertainment duo, I have a most perplexing question phor you. The past two Phridays (not today though, 'cause my roommate overslept and didn't turn the T.V. on till 7) I have awoken to a most wonderful melody. The sunshine song (a.k.a. "The Sun is a Mass of Incandescent Gas") has brightened my day, even when there was no sun to shine. Being the They MIGHT BE Giants phan that I am, I should not be asking this, but am going around in circles trying to find the answer myself. The question is: WHERE DID YOU GET THAT SONG?!?!?!?!?! I CAN'T FIND IT ANYWHERE!!!!!! I have searched through the titles on all of the singles listed in my handy TMBG newsletter, but to no avail. Please help me to see the (sun)light and direct me to the correct soundtrack. Thank you ever so much!

Your loyal phan,

Kirsty E. Reidy

Dear Kirsty, thanks for checking out our show. We know you have been a loyal Phan as you have even requested songs on our show in the past, so we will reveal the source of the happiest song on Phriday mornings, "The Sun is a Mass of Incandescent Gas"...

Strawberries.

We don't know exactly why John and John didn't tell you about the single in the TMBG newsletter, but it certainly exists and we're holding the bright yellow case as we type. It's a remix of an educational recording from 1959. Also on the single are remixes from the Allman Brothers Band, Meat Puppets, and the original version of TMBG's "Spy." If our readers are wondering what we're talking about, you'll have to listen to our radio show from 6:00 - 8:00 on Phriday mornings as the sun starts to rise. Kirsty, your Philler Phan Club certificate is in the mail. As for your roommate, I doubt she'll get a certificate too quickly after causing one of our most effervescent radio Phans to miss half of our show...

As far as our radio experiences, this week's program was particularly interesting. During the last half hour, the wonderful people at Fuller Labs set off the fire alarm. Guinevere quickly stopped, dropped to the ground, and rolled, but after convincing her that she was indeed not on fire, quickly pressed play on the CD player and ran out of the studio screaming... They must love us over there... The thing we're wondering about is that we heard that it was just a drill, because they decided to test the halon system in the computer room to see if it were REALLY hooked up to the fire alarm system... Now, how long has Fuller Labs been around? And this is the FIRST time they've tested the system? And they had the nerve to do it during OUR SHOW scaring the dachshund out of us? Greg Shapiro leaves, and the whole building falls apart...

[BEEP]

Well I just though I would write you a message just for the fun of it!! By the way Thanx for mentioning the room next to us [a few issues ago] (Snapple Window) (That's Mikes!) Okay well every time I read the Philler they keep saying to write and say stuff.. so here we go....

DAKA LOGIC?

I was wondering if anyone could explain to me DAKA LOGIC? About 4 weeks ago I was in the Grill Line.. and saw they had Bacon, Lettuce and tomato.. So I though to Myself.. Hmmm.. How about A BLT... so I asked the kind lady behind the grill... Could I please have a BLT.. And she sternly replied, I am sorry you need to be in the other line, that is only in the entree... Well I looked at the entree and all there was was bacon... So I though again and inquired.. "Could you please give me a roll, and put some bacon, lettuce, and tomato on it"... Not even thinking she handed me the sandwich with bacon lettuce and tomato (Note this is not a BLT!?????)... Boy this is getting long well who cares I paid 14 000 to be here! So anyhow I was in line again yesterday. I thought this time as I spied the back lettuce and tomato.. and asked for a sandwich with bacon lettuce and tomato.. But alas this DAKA woman was far to intellectually gifted for that (yeah right) but anyhow she replies.. I am sorry that is a BLT.. you need to get the bacon in the entree line and the lettuce and tomato in the salad bar.. (I would also like to ask at this time who cuts those tomato wedges and how the heck can you fit one in a sandwich!!)

So again being the intellectually gifted student at WPI that I am I pondered and replied.. May I please have a Burger with Bacon Lettuce and tomato, hold the burger... and without stopping for a moment she made my BLT!! WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT THAT!!! AHHHHH DAKA LOGIC!! Hey did anyone notice the missing picture in the DAKA Dining room.. Hmmm I wonder who took that... lemme just say What's the name of that school where all the girls come from?

And for all of those intellectual people DAKA stands for Dining and Kitchen administration (although I like the acronym Dump and Krap Alot personally and that speaks for itself)

-BUBBA

Although we cannot wholeheartedly believe this entire story, we find it incredibly amusing and could certainly see it happening... There are always little things at DAKA that you wonder about, but never test out...

For instance, you know the hot chocolate machine? If you've ever used it, you know that when you press the "Regular" button, it fills the cup up to the very tippy - top - being - held - together - only - by - surface - tension - level (T. T. B. H. T. O. B. S. T. L). Now, there is yet another button on that machine right next to it... "Large"... Chills, chills... What would happen if you pressed THAT button? Just think about it! Does anyone know the overwhelming effect that innocent little button could have on the entirety of DAKA as we know it? This could have a bigger impact than the "History Erase" button... What happens if we press it? I know WE'RE not going to get in trouble for trying it... I guess, we'll ne-ver know...

Oh, and the tomato wedges are for the salad. They're always there. Look farther down the bar on BLT days... Unless, of course, you like angled sandwiches which, as few people know, were made popular back in the 18th century by Sandwich's second son, the slanted one...

[BEEP]

[...]

Damn, didn't leave a message...

[BEEP]

I never thought I'd write to Philler (by far the best part of Newspeak), but since you seem good at getting pet peeves addressed (like the DAKA soup spoon/T-spoon mix-up). So I thought I'd ask if anyone else has noticed this one. It concerns our very own Gordon Library, or rather the periodical section of it. The library seems to have a serious case of two - month - old - weekly - magazines - on - the - shelf - as - if - they - were - the - most - recent - issue - disease (T. M. O. W. M. O. T. S. A. I. T. W. T. M. I. D.) This is a serious problem. If you want to read, say, Sports Illustrated, you will find the issue currently on display has Nebraska's Orange Bowl victory over Miami on the cover. This happened (for those of you who don't follow college football) on January 2nd. SI is a weekly magazine, but even if it were a monthly they'd be a few issues behind. The same thing happens with Time and every other magazine I've seen in the library. Why does this happen? Have space aliens stolen our magazines? Is the library staff really THAT overworked? Or did students complain more about the week - old - daily - newspaper - on - the - rack - with - others - as - new - as - yesterday (W. O. D. N. O. T. R. W. O. A. N. A. Y.) which seems to have been fixed?

We have a LIBRARY on campus?!?!?!?


Send your thoughts, observations, and questions to us at philler@philler.com...