Tangerines and Coffee Beans - Sleepless in New Jersey
by Laurel and Guinevere
Well folk, it's D term, and we're happier than an oversized pumpkin the day after Halloween with his guts still in 'em. For spring break, we went to the little known party capitol of the world: Boise Idaho. It was an exhausting trip, but following our travel brochures kept us busy. You would not believe all of the things the natives of the area can do with spuds. We're both museumed out... Of course we couldn't have done it at all without the help of our fearless camel, Sid, but that goes without saying... 'Course now that we brought him back with us, he's been living solely on DAKA cookies and Quick Chicks... It's not a very healthy diet, but we seem to survive on it, so he thought he'd give it a try. The management seems to have taken a liking to him, but won't let him eat in the cafeteria [keep an eye out for him out by the loading dock by moonlight (isn't that a Patsy Cline song?)-- it's a strange time to eat, and we're attempting to break him of the habit, but you know how stubborn camels can be...]
Um... Anyhow... We finished our fist show of D term tomorrow/yesterday on Monday. We have to say that it was very good, or will be good, or should have been good (for the proper grammatical structure for dealing with time travel linguistics, please refer to Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, or possibly one of the four sequels in the trilogy). Having a radio show is really cool -- we get to do all sorts of wicked neat-o things, and people can even hear our voices! Hey, wait a minute. Is that such a good idea? Especially since we sing our theme song each week... Oh well, guess y'all have to deal with it. So in case you missed it, be sure to listen to Philler Phridays every Monday from 4:00 - 6:00 PM. Yeah, we know that doesn't make a heck of a lot of sense, but if you listen to the show, you'll find that we don't either... That kind of makes sense, huh?
Over the past week or so we have been attempting to write a speech to be read at Commencement or Baccalaureate. The theme this year is "Inspiration," and let us tell you, nothing is coming to us on this one... We've tried to just bowl our way through it (hey, that's like some of our articles...), but it doesn't seem to be working. Anyway, we thought that maybe a little support from our dedicated fans would provide the inspiration to get it done. SO, if you'd like to hear us deliver a speech in character at graduation (yes, undergraduates, even though you aren't graduating, you can still attend the ceremony, if for nothing else but to hear - hopefully - our wonderful speech) please write to us in the usual fashion and let us know.
OK, here's the moment you've been waiting for -- the bestowing of Amy Plack's new title. Because of her dedication to the PPC, we hereby proclaim her to henceforth be known to all those who are henceforth NOT to be known as the following: "Amy Plack, O. S. V. P. T. T. P. P. C. P. 4. 2. S. C. O. C. A. O. C. I. A. M. Y. T. P. I. C. O. I. T. P. E. V. O. W. A. A. O. W. P. I. P., otherwise known as, Official Senior Vice President to the Philler Phan Club, (Ph)Division 42, Supreme Chaser of Chickens and Other Clothing Items, and Managerial-Yelling-Type-Person in Charge of Insuring the Proper Escape Velocity of Wolves and All Other WPI Pests." Wow, that's more letters than we've ever had in one acronym before! but Amy deserves it. And the number of letters is vitally important, as we're sure Amy could tell you...
And now a word from our sponsors:
Dear Laurel and Guinevere,
While I'm sitting here in the CCC, attempting to make a few color printouts for my MQP (which I have been doing since this morning around 9 o'clock), I remember people telling me how important time management was in college, and how helpful computers are... But did you ever notice that when you try to put the two together (i.e., attempting to do something important on a computer while budgeting yourself enough time to get it done), no matter how hard you try, the two cancel each other out and you never get anything done...?
Well anyway, just to let you know, your column makes great gift wrapping paper... Last week I had to wrap a birthday gift, and when I realized that I didn't have any, I tried to think of what would be the next best thing.. The first thing that popped into mind was the Philler section. I mean really, what else can you think of that deserves to get recycled three times (once read, once as wrapping paper, and once in the bin...)?
Keep up the good work... and don't get too political...
Gee, uh, thanks Nick. We always appreciate loyalty in our fans, and give you a big, wet, sloppy kiss for your efforts to recycle. But seriously, we definitely understand what you mean about computers "making your life easier" and other such nonsense. In fact, we would have started this article a couple hours sooner this morning if our computer were working properly. It's fixed now, but only with the cosmic influence of this guy Sid knows named Mildred Pierce. The healing power of music is definitely underrated...
FLASHBACK... This is a response to an article which we wrote waaaaay back in December entitled "Marching Bands and Pink Balloons -- You're Getting Verrrry Sleepy." It seems to go quite well here, so we're including it.
Guinevere and Laurel,
Why do you tease us so? I was really looking forwarded to reading your oh-so-awesome section this weekend -- especially when you mentioned marching bands (ok, the pink balloons sounds neat, too). I was looking for some "call to arms" for a marching band or something at least as worthy. But what do I get? Not a single mention of a desire, a thought even, of that great synergy of music and walking, the marching band. Oh! the agony! I'll have to attribute this to the end of the term; your brains must be getting the end-of-the-term-frazzle-because-you-forgot-what-you- mentioned-in-the-title-so-you-didn't-mention-it-in-the-article blues. (I would put a nice, little acronym here, but I won't because I never actually look at them anyways). Perhaps next time.
Waiting and wanting....
Although the following goes well with Dennis' letter, it does not go with the political part of Nick's letter; we are going to ignore his "for your own safety" warning for a bit, and make a valiant attempt to tell y'all about a little thingy called a protest. No, we're not going to travel back in time to the '60s, but we are planning to wear our hair long and trod on Brickenstocks. However, we draw the line at bellbottoms... The serious part of this serious part is the demonstration that is taking place in Boston on Thursday (4:30 at MIT) to protest the proposed bill which will cut many humanitarian services and environmental regulations now in effect. The cuts are widespread and devastating to many programs which we need; sections of the proposal will take away federal student aid programs, encourage environmental deregulation, make cuts to the Violence Against Women Act, and eliminate the Food and Drug Administration and Public Broadcasting, while increasing military spending. If you would like to know more about this, read the wpi.students newsgroup. Please get a bunch of your friends and find a way to get into Boston on Thursday. We need your help. This bill is far too stupid and dangerous to continue without resistance. The government needs to know that people are paying attention to its actions, and won't stand for such idiocy among its leaders.
Gee, how do we follow that? Nothing is very appropriate (at least not in the way of funny) after such seriousness. Sorry about that, but we did include the funny bits at the beginning to compensate. We apologize again to Mr. Mollo, but it was necessary. We urge all students, faculty, and their neighbor's cousin's pet camel to attend the protest this Thursday. Thank you, and goodnight.
(BTW, you can contact us at Box 2700 or at newspeak.wpi.edu if you have questions or comments.)
Send your thoughts, observations, and questions to us at email@example.com...