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Fig Leaves and Pipe Cleaners - What are you doing in here?


by Laurel and Guinevere

In the immortal words of Hillary, from the movie, "Top Secret", "Times change, people change, hairstyles change, interest rates... fluctuate..." Philler is about to metamorph into a whole new level of consciousness. That's right... radio. Starting this Friday, from 6:00 am - 8:00 am every Friday will hereforth be proclaimed "Philler Phridays" on WPIR radio and channel 38! With our slow takeover of all forms of media, we will be able to touch more people with a small live piece of our strangeatude... To commemorate this occasion, we present the "State of the School Address," a painfully inaccurate account of the history of Philler at WPI.

It all started quite innocently with the Two Towers logo. We pointed out to the world that there were in fact TWO Two Towers logos and they had different times showing on them. Within a couple of weeks, WPI announced that they were replacing the traditional Two Towers logo with an obscure modern rendition that would attract students from the four corners of the world (a phrase I never understood after taking Geometry.) The new logo was overwhelmingly and immediately nixed by the faculty and student body. As a reader recently pointed out to us, it has reared its bizarre head again....

Hey did you guys notice the entrepreneurial class mass-mailing that went out at the beginning of the term? At the top of the paper was that awful 'new' Two Towers symbol that was laughed out of use... What is this? A secret plot to slowly utilize this symbol? Are they just going to slowly bring it up in more and more official documents, so in a few years people just accept it? If the symbol was officially nixed, why has it cropped up now?

What's the scoop?
-Erica [Curran]

You have to remember, Erica, that this is an engineering school, and that the flyer was put out by the Management department. Engineers typically will take a new idea and test it out and see if it works and makes everyone happy, or at least most everyones... The Management department said, "Oh boy, cool logo! We must [manage to] put it on everything we own right away!!!" And so, even after the tacky triangles were sent to that ink blot in the sky, a part of it still remains in the hearts and minds (and stationary) of that rebellious group known as the Management department.

Since we've taken office (we have an office?), Plant Services has also improved. We single-handedly made Plant Services complain repeatedly to Newspeak's Editor-in-Chief. After being forced to shovel the steps by former President Strauss, after reading our article, they have been much better at this duty. Aside from the comment heard Saturday when one worker in a mini-plow told another to leave him alone because, "I'm playing over here. [While "working" on union wages to drain WPI of precious tuition dollars]" We've been fairly content with their hard work to make sure there has been no snow on WPI's sidewalks these past few months...

Following Newspeak hand in hand, Philler progressed to the World Wide Web where it can be (and according to the records has been) read by people all over the world.

Hey there...

Imagine my surprise when I was [c]hecking out the WPI Web pages, and finally got a connection down to Philler. WOW!

Now, even though I graduated last spring I can still keep up with all the silly antics of WPI.

THANK GOD!
-Bob [Mason]

Isn't that just plain cool? Thanks, Bob. We're waiting for the person at fujitsu.co.jp in Japan who read Philler last week to write us fan mail.

We have always been there for people who have questions pertinent to the well being of the WPI community. It doesn't cost you anything to ask, and we don't charge for our answers. That way, we can't get sued... One fine example of our keen insight is our ability to answer this letter we got last week:

Dear Laurel and Guinevere,

I picked up SocComm's February calendar, and I noticed something strange. Look at the little bunny rabbit on the bottom right-hand side of the page. On the top and bottom of this picture, there appears to be some cryptic phrase! It's written in a dingbat font or something, maybe control characters...What does it say? Please solve the mystery of the Elusive Encrypted Message Found On The February 1995 SocComm Activities-Around-Campus Calendar! (E.E.M.F.O.T.F.1.S.A.A.C.C)

-- Loyal Reader David M. Koelle, Esq.

It's Zapf Dingbats for "because this bunny is whacking off". For the censors out there, blame the Social Committee. We're just quoting...

We've also received e-mail from the President (of WPI of course) and even though sources tell us that he doesn't have the Phan Club Certificate we sent him hanging in his office, in our hearts we know he probably has it hanging in his house somewhere...

Our loyal Phan Club members are so concerned with are happiness that they are willing to go out of their way to make us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. A prime example is our beloved Phan, Amy Plack. Laurel had forgotten to watch the final showing of "Candyman" on the WPI movie channel because of her involvement in research for an upcoming article. We wrote to Amy desperately pleading to re-run the show before they had to return the tapes, but she regretfully told us that the VCRs had been programmed, and it was really out of her hands... Then, miraculously, we received emergency e-mail from her, saying that she pulled some strings and was going to show it just for us. If you were watching the schedule Thursday night, the 12:30 movie was "Candyman (Special Request)" That was for US!!! We love the movie channel! We love the movie channel! We love the movie channel! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! As a token of our gratitude, Amy Plack is officially the owner of a really cool title within the Phan Club... as soon as we figure out a good one to give her... "Grand Po-ba" and "Head of the Secret Police" are already taken... What's left? "Minister of Fish?" "Master of the Chicken Broth?" "Official Official in Charge of Chargeable Things?" Gee, it's not as easy as it seems to come up with the appropriate title... Don't worry Amy, we'll get you one soon enough. We would also like to thank whoever else at the movie channel helped to make this small dream of ours a reality.

We'd also like to express our gratitude to the WPI Radio Station. They gave us a show at the last minute, so now we can spread our message (whatever that is) across the air waves! Gee, we hope that some strange conglomeration of the FCC and the EPA won't come down and get us for polluting the air... Well, no sense in dwelling on the inevitable... We have a show to do! We do hope that you will listen as you wake up in the morning on Fridays, but if there is no way that you are going to get up *that* early, please do tape the show and listen later... (If you don't have a stereo capable of hooking into the WPI cable system, just listen to channel 38. Hey, you could even tape that channel on the VCR and listen later...! Imagine that?!

Well, until next week... I'm Laurel, and I'm Guinevere (notice the difference?), and this............ is a long pause.


Send your thoughts, observations, and questions to us at philler@philler.com...